Ask me sex and relationship questions here anonymously. Please make questions as *brief* as possible to make sure you get a response. Please be aware that some dilemmas may be posted on social media platforms and cannot be removed on there or Ask Oloni once submitted. Not all questions sent can be answered due to the high amount received daily. For a QUICK response book aprivate callhere
Feeling very Sucidal Dear Oloni as i type this message tears are dripping down my eyes all i want to do right now is end my life because the pain is just too much for me.. I met this guy last year and we went out on a date everything seemed fine and he liked me and i like him too, by then i was a virgin so as we started talking more he told me how hard it would be hard to be in a relationship with me if i was a virgin. By then he was still talking to his ex of 2years because she still has feelings for him.. So the more we started talking to each other i started opening up to him, i told him that i was going to back home soon as my visa was about to expire soon and the only way i could stay here was if he married me or something. By then we had just met a few weeks ago so i guess that freaked him out he became distant for a while then he later came back(after 4days) apologized and said we should find another way for me to say here cause he cant marry me. So we began our relationship and 8weeks into it i had sex for the first time with him, i had always wanted to wait until i got married but i broke my rule because of him because i did not want to lose him and i felt there was no big deal. Our relationship was okay but the main issue we had was his ex she was always calling and sending messages and he kept entertaining her, i even asked him to block her and he refused because he said there was no point and i should trust and believe him when he says its me he loves because he is with me and not her.. This made me feel sad because i found it hard to believe he did not have feelings for her and i felt he cared more about her than me. She would call at every opportunity even though he told her he was now in a relationship. At some point he stopped talking to her because i told him i just could not take the disrespect anymore and then everything was fine for a while. Then last year He moved to a different city and we started doing long distance, as the days went by we just started having more and more problems, he would not text me often or his replies were slow, he was no longer calling frequently and that resulted in me nagging everytime because he was no longer giving me attention.. So three weeks ago we had another issue about him not texting etc and he told me that we should breakup because the distance has made him realize that maybe he does not love me like he thought he did and that if he truly did he would want to talk to me but now he does not feel like talking to me anymore.. He also said he is not really good with distance but when he was with his ex they did long distance for 6months.. I know its long distance cause we are not in the same cityy but we are still both in england .. He also said he realized there was no future for us as he is christian and i am muslim and he just cant marry a muslim, and neither of us are ready to convert to the other persons religion so we would just be wasting our time. I feel like the reason he cant marry a muslim is because of what his parents will say he is so scared of them especially his mum that he sacrifices his own happiness just to please her..But he keeps saying its not only about his parents but he wants his children to be christian too and thats why he can only marry a christian. I also realized that recently he started talking to his ex again and all these things are just breaking my heart i feel so tired, used, taken advantage of and i just want to die because my heart is broken beyond repair. If he knew he could never marry me why did he enter into a relationship he should have never given me hope, he should not have made me fall in love just to break my heart.. He came to see me recently i thought we could work things about but we had no solution, now he is saying lets not be in a relationship, lets take things slow, he wants to live the bachelor life for a while because relationships are stressful and he knows i am not happy in the relationship but yet he wants us to see each other when we can and then fuck. Why will i want to fuck someone i am not in a relationship with? I am so tired oloni i don’t know what to do anymore.. I just want to die and REST please help me
6. February 2017
I really think you need to be around your family and friends right now and if possible PLEASE email me separately.. but due to the nature of your dilemma, it’s very difficult for me to help you the way I wish I could. Relationships are never easy and a lot of them do end up leaving us in absolute pain. We have all been there. You need to give yourself time to get through this break up and understand that you’re strong enough to pull through. Please try to seek professional help as you need someone who is way more qualified and experienced to speak to.
Once again if you’d like a chat please email simplyoloni@gmail.com
Oloni
Shalom Oloni, I’m speaking to a guy in America, who’s really sweet, great chemistry, funny, clever, polite etc. we met on Facebook, he’s coming the UK soon (we FaceTime regularly) But his full-time job is conducting spiritual ceremonies for people like Juju (amongst other forms of African magic, praying to ancestors etc.) and I can’t tell if I’m being petty by letting his “career” put me off. I’m atheist and I struggle to take some of the things he says seriously. I don’t want to ruin the chemistry we have by making a deal of debating him about his beliefs, but I just wonder if he’ll ever grow up and do a real job and move into a proper home and out of the little studio he’s in. I want to live a life of opulence and class, and I’m not saying I can’t do that with him, but how can I take someone seriously if they’re out doing full-time spirit warrior. I just want to scream grow the fuck up, but it’s really not my place to tell him how to live his life. Am I being shallow by making a big deal of his “career”?
6. February 2017
I personally think this is really odd, but I can’t tell you who to date and you certainly can’t change him. It seems like you’re asking for a lot for someone who is only ‘speaking’ to a new person. If you don’t like where he lives and what he does for a living, leave him alone.
Oloni
Hi oloni, recently me and my boyfriend have been arguing loads because he spends looooads of time training for his sport. When he misses one training session, his friend says ‘you’re not serious, you go to your girls house instead of training’. I told him that his friends are too fast to chat and get involved too much. He gets pissed, I don’t wanna blame him because his friends always chat shit, but I do take it out on him.. saying ‘we don’t spend time together, it’s because your friends are too chatty’ I don’t know what to do, I told him I want us to have space so he can focus on training.. but neither of us want that. He doesn’t want anything to get between us but I feel like an extra piece of luggage
2. February 2017
Hey hun, if your boyfriend is trying to be serious about something that means a lot to him, it’s always important to make sure you’re being supportive. As for you boyfriend… his friends should never have power to speak about your relationship so he needs to check them. Stop arguing and try talking and listening, come up with an arrangement where you can both spend quality time with each other. It’s not that hard.
Oloni
Hi Oloni, my boyfriend and I have always had a great sexual connection, however last month he dismissed my nudes and didn’t seem interested on FaceTime. He usually initiates things first and always makes time for these things (seeing as he started uni in September). I made it clear that I was upset about being dismissed repeatedly and he explained that he just ‘wasn’t in the mood’. I find it strange since he’s always in the mood and it’s unlike him to dismiss me and his ‘responses’ seemed somewhat forced as he would only reply with an emoji. Do you think he was being satisfied by another female or am I just overthinking ?
2. February 2017
I wouldn’t jump to the conclusion of assuming he’s seeing another woman. Some men are very capable of entertaining two girls at the same damn time anyway hun. Since you’ve already spoken about it, give him a bit of space then try again. If nothing changes this might just be his nature towards you now.
Oloni
Hi oloni, love the blog and congrats on everything you do. Basically my girlfriend is making me feel like sex is a chore. She’ll just say I want sex I’m Horny give me your dick. So randomly before it was a turn on like it’s random sex but now it’s like oh here we go again. She doesn’t make any effort to turn me on so to say or have nice foreplay. I’ve spoken to her about it but nothings changed. What can I say/do to stop this. It’s putting me off sex with her sometimes I’d rather just bash one out.
2. February 2017
Hey hun, you’re going to have to have another honest and open conversation and explain how tired you are of repeating yourself. Listen to what she says and ask her, why she doesn’t make an effort. If nothing changes, it’s then up to you to decide whether or not you can deal with it.
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