Ask Oloni

Ask me sex and relationship questions here anonymously. Please make questions as *brief* as possible to make sure you get a response. Please be aware that some dilemmas may be posted on social media platforms and cannot be removed on there or Ask Oloni once submitted. Not all questions sent can be answered due to the high amount received daily. For a QUICK response book a private call here

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Hi Oloni, this one’s a bit complicated. A couple months ago, I caught my friend’s man (unawares) messaging another woman. Sending each other nudes, dirty messages all of that. The thing is, this woman is in another country. I have not told my friend like I know I should because this woman is abroad and I can’t prove any messages her man can delete. Plus I am scared to break down their long term relationship. she is truly quite fragile. No exaggeration when I say she would break down, honestly. I also don’t know how to confront her man because I rarely see him without my friend being there. However, I recently managed to swipe the other woman’s number off his phone (asked to ‘borrow’ his phone on a night out, saw he deleted their msgs but remembered her name when I went through contacts) and I’m considering taking matters into my own hands by telling this woman to back off. She’s not in the country so this is about all I can do… is this the right thing to do? what do I even say? I’m quite conflicted 13. April 2017

Oohh girl pump your breaks! I get it, you’re just trying to be a good friend, but you’re doing a bit too much by wanting to message the girl abroad.

I think the only thing you can/should do is tell your mate what you saw. I understand that she’d feel quite torn about it, what woman wouldn’t be? But sadly, that’s all you can do, as well as be a supportive friend.

Oloni

I’m struggling with genital herpes, how do I go about dating? 13. April 2017

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Heya hun, thanks for writing in there are plenty of people living with incurable STI’s so please don’t feel like you’re alone. In fact, we’ve had several people write in about the same dilemma in regards to dating. I was able to find one of the replies, where we shared a detailed response followed by guidance regarding herpes..

‘I know people with herpes in happy relationships and or thriving in life, so do not think having herpes means your life is over or ruined. For as long as you are alive you can do all the things you planned to do. It may not feel good now but it’s possible, so what you need is hope. So I’ve done a bit of research for you:

Genital herpes is a common condition, especially in people from 20 to 24 years old.
According to the National Institutes of Health, many people with genital herpes never even have outbreaks or their outbreaks decrease over time (one or two outbreaks a year is not uncommon). The virus can lie dormant in your system for years without coming to the surface.
HSV has no effect on fertility and is not transmitted via men’s sperm or women’s ova (eggs).
Women with genital herpes can experience a safe pregnancy and vaginal childbirth. This is especially so when a women has a diagnosis of genital herpes prior to becoming pregnant. In the situation when the mother already has a history of genital herpes, she will have antibodies circulating in her blood which will protect the baby during the pregnancy and delivery.

LIVING WITH HERPES/YOUR EMOTIONS REGARDING HERPES (CHECK THESE BRILLIANT ARTICLES OUT)

Ella Dawson on Living w/Herpes: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wc0915ZhKiw
Ella Dawson detailed experience on living with herpes: http://www.buzzfeed.com/carolinekee/lets-talk-about-genital-herpes#.xhvdb1bNjJ & https://ellacydawson.wordpress.com
An excellent post on dating with herpes which addresses so many of your concerns: http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/colette-kenney/dating-with-herpes_b_1609226.html
WHY I LOVE TELLING PEOPLE I HAVE HERPES: http://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-love/dating-with-herpes

Given this you genuinely don’t need to freak out. You can live a happy life with herpes, so many people do. I would say it may be of help to sign up to an online community of people who are living with herpes in order for you to hear about their experiences and understand that you are not alone.’ – Ebi

I also think that you shouldn’t think of it as something to struggle with, you can live a pretty normal life. Go about dating like the average person would, join Bumble or Happn. Make eye contact with that guy who always catches the same 8.30am train as you, flirt on social media, go to social events. Just make sure when the times comes before sex, you explain your sexual health status.

You’ll find that some people may be ignorant and not have a clear understanding, so that’s where you ask if they know what it is and calmly explain it. Herpes doesn’t suddenly mean that you sex/dating life is over.

Oloni

My bf is against having a 3som but your article on bi-sexuality is too true for me …. What should I do ? 13. April 2017

Decide what you value more at this stage, the threesome or your relationship.

Oloni

Hi Oloni, i’ve been with my boyfriend for just under six months now. Whilst we were watching movies he had to make a note of something in his calender and i saw his ex’s birthday written in it. They’ve been broken up for a year now but she still talked to him 2 months into our relationship until i told him it made me uncomfortable and only then did he lock of the ting. i just wanna know is that something i should be worried about? 13. April 2017

You should have said something when you saw it. If I’m honest I wouldn’t make a big deal out of it, he’s probably just forgotten to remove it.

Enjoy your relationship, as long as he’s not communicating with her, it’s no biggie. Believe in your sauce girl.

Oloni

Hi oloni, thank you so much for making a platform like this, it’s so appreciated , I’m in my early 20s and have never been in a relationship, I’ve had my fair share of nights out and some “experiences” but I’ve never gotten to know someone of the opposite for sex on a deep level for anything to even happen. I wasn’t worried about this until everyone kept asking me if I have a boyfriend yet and loads of people getting married. I know marriage is a while away but I can’t help noticing that people expect me to be in a relationship. I’m not in a complete rush to get all booed up but do you have any tips on helping me meet new people or ways to make myself more appealing to people, thank you so much p.s. The whole online dating thing freaks me out 🙁 13. April 2017

Thanks hun.

I would suggest you try a new weekend routine. So if you usually, party during the weekend, try attending a friendly gathering or different type of social event. Whatever you’re doing now change. Meet more new people, go to new places, make new friends and TRY online dating. There’s nothing scary about having a good ol swipe, even if it’s for fun! Sometimes people go online for the opp sex and have no clue that they’re doing so..e.g. on Twitter/Insta/FB. There’s also great apps to form friendships that you can download, don’t limit yourself.

Oloni

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