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Hi Oloni..so over the summer I was kind of desperate to lose my virginity so I tried to hook up with this guy I barely knew. We had hung out once and he seemed pretty cool so we attempted to have sex in his car. Here’s the thing…he couldn’t penetrate me. He told me to sit on it and all I felt was an excruciating pain and it wouldn’t even go in. Keep in mind I have never worn tampons prior and wasn’t really familiar with my vagina. His car was pretty tight so I don’t know if me not spreading my legs wide enough was the problem..or if my hymen was too tough…or my hole was too small. And it was dark so the guy did anal by accident which bled a little. I’ve been scared to attempt to have sex again. What should I do? Should I try to break my hymen on my own? Or are there any positions you recommend for losing my virginity or any tips to make it less painful. I know this is a a lot but I am 21 and I am ashamed that I am not having sex like everyone else. Thanks Oloni
1. May 2017
Hey love! Take a BIG deep breath. First I need you ask yourself, why you’re so in a rush to lose your virginity. Is it for yourself or to add to a conversation full of people who are already sexually experienced?
If it’s the latter then you’re doing it for the wrong reasons.
A lot of people don’t know this, but the pain you experience when having vaginal sex isn’t caused by your hymen ‘breaking’, so don’t worry about that.
Get to know your body a bit better and if you’re really ready to have sex, try 15-20 minutes of foreplay then stick to the missionary position as you’ll feel more relaxed.
If you’d like to be hear more about sexuality, come down to laid bare this month. Tickets have nearly gone.
Oloni
I’ve contracted chlamydia and gohnorrea 3 times in the past, I’m 19 and have been having unprotected sex with my boyfriend over a year and no pregnancy, what are my chances I’m infertile should I be worried? This scares me I no you aren’t a doctor lol but can you reassure me in any way 🙁
1. May 2017
Hey love, why aren’t you having protected sex? Chlamydia and gonorrhoea are the most common STI’s for those who are between 18-24 and it has been said that they increase the chances of being infertile.
Getting any type of STI should be a wake up call, especially after experiencing it a couple of times. You’re putting your body at risk and could end up catching something way more serious if you’re not careful.
There are plenty of walk in clinics you can go to, to get more information about your fertility if you’re really worried. I however, think you need to see someone to talk to about condoms and contraception.
Oloni
Hey Oloni, so this really embarrassing for me to say (probably because I am girl) but I think that I am addicted to watching porn or at least I watch too much of it. I don’t even masturbate to it I just watch out of boredom or for something to do and now it has become an everyday occurence. I’ve been watching it since I was fifteen but I did stop for two years so I know I can do it, it’s just really hard. How do I stop? Or should I just go cold turkey and give it up altogether?
1. May 2017
Hey hun, you have nothing to be embarrassed about. Although many people watch porn to masturbate, there also many who enjoy watching it like it’s a rerun episode of ‘Friends’.
If you think you might have an addiction, I think you should try seeking professional help by going to an actual sex therapist, who can assist you further.
Oloni
Hey Oloni, I recently met this guy at a party the day after I broke up with my boyfriend, the guy is 6’3″ good looking and a football player. We exchanged numbers and were talking via text for a couple weeks then it fell off. I recently saw him at another party a couple weeks later from our first encounter and he insisted that he was going to come back to my campus. He came to my college later that night and we talked for a little bit and the talking lead to kissing, and the kissing lead to sex. That was my first sexual encounter of the sorts and he was my 2nd sexual partner I’ve had. Afterwards him and I would talk on FaceTime and text each other daily and I actually enjoy talking to him. He came back later that week and stayed the night with me and we had sex of course. Later that evening when he left he told me he thought I would play games with him and forget about him when I finish my semester for the summer and go back home but I told him that if you make your intentions clear I can make my decision off of that. He said that he is getting to know me still and likes the way we have been connecting but he’s not looking for anything serious right now. I appreciate that he was able to give me a clear description of his intent but it did put a damper on the possibility I had in my head lol. I am on the same page as him, granted I got out of a 2 month relationship several weeks ago, but My question is should I just leave him in the spring and forget about him in the summer and leading into the fall semester or continue to talk to him over the summer? We will be in 2 different states over that course of time.
1. May 2017
Hey hun, do whatever you want! If you’re both not after anything serious, continue to call and text. Perhaps a good friendship can be formed. What’s good is that he’s told you his true intentions.
Oloni
Hi oloni, my girlfriend just tweeted a pic of Anthony Joshua after his win saying and I quote “I’m ready to risk it all for him”. And then another picture with him top less with emoji heart eyes. Now I’m not ugly but I have put on a little weight because of exams and this has made me spin. I’m lowkey ready to lock it off because this is disrespect on another level. When I liked a picture of a friend I went secondary school with on insta she went mad at me and now she goes and does this. Any tip because we’ve already had an argument and she hasn’t apologised yet and it’s making me rage
1. May 2017
It’s a bit worrying that she’d be mad over a like on a photo when it’s an old school friend.
Saying she’d risk it all for Anthony Joshua is disrespectful to your relationship. Risk what exactly? :/ (I know the answer btw)
Give each other space and explain again without arguing HOW it made you feel.
You can appreciate someones beauty, without disrespecting your relationship.
Oloni
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