Ask me sex and relationship questions here anonymously. Please make questions as brief as possible to make sure you get a response. Please be aware that some dilemmas may be posted on social media platforms and cannot be removed on there or Ask Oloni once submitted. Not all questions sent can be answered due to the high amount received daily. For a QUICK response book a private call here 

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Hi Oloni, so I met this guy who is probably perfect, but my main attraction to him was the connections he has in the industry he works in, which would be super helpful for my career. I’m not really the type to go and finesse but that’s kind of what I’ve been doing. Now I’m actually with him officially and just not happy. He’s a lovely person but I’m just not feeling him, but if I dead it, I feel like my career will just be moving backwards. What should I do? 29. January 2019

Oh Lordy. “Is it me, or the clout?”

You’re just punishing yourself by staying in a commitment which makes you unhappy. You could still end up ending on good terms, but regardless.. it’s not a great idea to be with him just because of what he can do, when you’re not there emotionally. If you were with him for his connects and the fact he made you happy this wouldn’t bad at all.


I’ve slept with 20 people, and I’m aged 20. I’m somewhat embarrassed and my friends are all telling me to lie and lessen this number to help find a boyfriend. What should I do? 29. January 2019

LOL your friends aren’t completely wrong and I understand. Sadly due to how a woman’s sexuality is seen we omit the truth. Who you’ve slept with is no one’s business, what should matter is how enjoyable it was, what you learned about your sexuality and if you’ve been checked recently.


Hi Oloni, love your work!!! So here goes. In the early stages of our relationship the guy I was dating was still with his girlfriend. He kept it from me and I found out 😳. Massive blow up, I didn’t speak to him for a year. Since that, built back a friendship, I chose to forgive him and we now have a great relationship 3 years later. The problem is, my brother who really close to absolutely hates this guy and does not want me to be with him because he said he’s a cheater that will never change and disrespected me. Most of my family who knew about the situation disprove of the relationship too. Do I listen to them or listen to my heart? I really do believe he’s changed plus whilst I’m not excusing what he did, he was very young and has matured a great deal since then. Please help 😭 this is the man I want to marry! 29. January 2019

Your family will always want to protect you from hurt. It’s natural. However, if you feel like he has changed and hasn’t given you a reason to question his loyalty, he probably has grown.

Do what feels right.


Hi Oloni. I know you’re not a doctor, but can you please tell me if I have vaginismus. First of all, I am DEATHLY afraid of penetration. I only just started having sex about a month ago. Before that, all the times I’d tried were way too painful. Now I have done it twice with my current boyfriend (Im not always comfortable during but I assume that’s part of the early stages of it all). I tried to have sex again today but I was so scared and kept whimpering and my vagina is so sore. He tried to put the tip in and I felt so sore and begged him to stop. He got frustrated and I felt bad, then got mad and left. Do I have vaginismus? 29. January 2019

You could do. I would suggest seeing a doctor. I hope it does get sorted. Sorry you’re experiencing this.


Hi Oloni. First of all I have to say thank you for all the work you do in the sex positive sphere. I have learned so much from your blog & twitter & insta threads. I have plenty to say but it can all be summed up in the gratitude I feel & affirmation I get from ur blog. That said my only dilemma is when will the vesta return in the store?👀 Thanx in advance xx 17. January 2019

Thank you so much!! Will be back in time for Valentine’s Day

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