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So I’m turning 23 and never had a boyfriend I only kissed one guy when I was 16 and I never really been on dates or anything. There is this guy that I like I found him on insta and we used to go school together I want to follow him but I’m just a bit nervous as I never had a boyfriend and never done anything sexual with a guy he might be put off or something lol.
27. May 2018
You’re over thinking, how about trying to create a friendship first. Also try to date other guys. Dating apps!
Oloni
Hi Oloni – My boyfriend told me that I’m embarrassing because I ask him to foot the bill for my meals out in front of his friends as passing comments when I’m feeling hungry. We split the bill all the time because money is tight for both of us, but am I being unreasonable by asking him to pay for food? I currently live alone and support myself, but he lives at home so has less financial responsibilities than me. He has gone as far to say that due to me asking him to pay for me, I am embarrassing and acting like a ‘broke’ girl because someone outside of a club wanted to get myself and a few friends into a club for free a few weeks ago because we are very attractive (ngl). He told me that this mentality I have makes me a golddigger and I shouldn’t rely on him to get me food and should be financially independent. He comes to visit me once or twice a week minimum and stays over – through which I provide everything we both eat and he doesn’t contribute to that. He said that because I have this expectation for him to provide for me says ‘a lot about my upbringing’ and said that because my dad passed when I was much younger, I don’t know how to conduct myself around his friends or the general public because I asked him to get me food and said that when I ask him to get me food in front of his friends, it looks like I can’t afford to feed myself. Since this occurred, I have asked for space and I am considering whether this man is right for me because I find him to be very stingy – I am a very generous and giving person and although his attitude with money has helped me structure my finances, I’m finding it hard to be generous with him. Am I being unreasonable by asking my boyfriend to pay for a meal on occasion? I don’t ask him for anything else, just his time. Thanks Oloni, I hope you reply xx
21. May 2018
I don’t think there’s anything wrong in asking your partner to pick up the bill. Perhaps it was HOW you did it in front of his friends that could have been the real issue.
I don’t like the fact that he tries to make you feel like you’re not financially independent, especially if you live on your own and take care of yourself.
You need to have a conversation before it ruins your relationship, and do it properly. Him mentioning your dad has nothing to do with the standard a lot of women hold men to, which is to PICK up the bill amongst other bills. It does not not make you a gold digger and FYI if you were, no shade.. but he wouldn’t be at the top of anyone’s list.
This is also why I say relationships are expensive. So, he’s around YOUR house and when there, he’s eating your food and not contributing, leaving your fridge empty and his mothers full?
He does sound stingy, but you need to explain this in a diplomatic way, because this could break down your relationship.
Good luck!
Oloni
I’m 17, my boyfriend is 40. How can I stop him feeling so guilty about my age when I’m the one consenting to everything, I pursued him, and I’m the one who kissed him first? Because I want him and I don’t feel bad, but his attitude is making me feel some type of way 🤕
21. May 2018
Hey love, you’re 17 and you shouldn’t be dating a 40 year old man. It’s not guilt he feels, he’s afraid of getting caught because he knows it’s wrong.
I hope you stop seeing him immediately as having a romantic relationship with someone of this age is incredibly dangerous.
Oloni
Hey Oloni, I feel like I already know the answer but I just really need to hear it from someone else for it to sink in. There’s this boy I’ve know since secondary school and we lost touch when we left school but he came back into my life recently. He said all the right things to peak my interests and we decided to meet up. Basically we’ve arranged to meet 3 times and he never shows up doesn’t even really cancel. He disappears and comes back randomly and expects me to do whatever he asks. It’s sad because I’m pretty sure it’s the nostalgia that I’m holding onto and I just can shake it should I just up?
21. May 2018
You need to block him and move on love. He’s just a good memory from the past and I get it, you want to know what could have been.
Oloni
Oloni, how do I know if a guy genuinally wants to get to know me or if he just wants to sex me at night?
21. May 2018
The conversations you have are just sexual advances, he asks if you live at home alone, only wants to meet at night… those are the obvious hints however.
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