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Soooo I’ve been dating for like 9 months now. All is great, haven’t done the whole official thing, but we’re good. I’ve made it clear to her a while back that I’m not looking for anything serious, but don’t mind seeing her still, esp as she is still quite keen to keep going out with me. Now we’re talking about going on holiday together soon, talks of big plans. But, even tho I’m not looking for anythin long term serious with this person, and they’re still keen to go, do i broach it with them (again) about my standpoint, or will this make things odd and awkward when we’re having good times together / put a damper on things? Are these a sign that desp what i said shes pushing for the long haul? Could we still date n keep things as they are, or break things off cos of where I’m coming from?
2. June 2017
Why would you even plan on going on a baecation with someone who isn’t your partner? That’s sending mixed messages. If i were you, I’d cancel the whole holiday because when actions are involved it turns into something else.
When you reach that destination you will probably go out on dates like couples do, have sex like couples do, hold hands and spoon as couples do.
After 9 months of dating, of course she thinks you might finally want to be exclusive. Do not go on that holiday or else it’ll be more complicated.
Oloni
My partner has all girls as his snapchat best friends that I don’t know or girls he never has said he’s friends with. He never shows me off on social media and if I was to do it myself as a joke it’s deleted, sneaky?
2. June 2017
How long have you been dating for? Either way. Super odd!
My boyfriends mum wants him to marry his cousin from Trinidad so that she can get papers and come to this country. I understand doing the most for family however they’ll have to be married for 5 years before she gets papers I think. That’s my boyfriend don’t want him marrying anyone unless it’s me regardless of the situation but I don’t want to sound selfish as his whole family are pushing it
13. May 2017
This is such a tough one and your feelings are very understandable. I personally feel like it’s ridiculous. There are many ways around this, that doesn’t include him having to marry his cousin.
It doesn’t make you selfish at all. I think you should have a conversation with your bf and let him know how you feel about the whole situation. Be honest with him and yourself. If him going through with this marriage is a big nono for you, perhaps it’s time to think about the future of your relationship with him. 5 years is not a joke.
Oloni
Hey Oloni, I’ve been in my relationship since I was 18. I’m 24 now, I love my soon to be wife with all my heart. As you can imagine we’ve had a lot of ups and downs, regardless we always stuck them out. She is 5 months pregnant with our first son (insemination), which I’m absolutely thrilled about, however within the first year of our relationship I moved from London to attain the basketball scholarship I had been offered in America. Me and her talked about this situation and if we should lock it off or continue, bare in mind I was 18 lol, I accepted to continue because I had been feeling this girl since qway back. Two years into my scholarship I had decided that basketball wasn’t to my liking. I still stayed at college but not for basketball purposes, during my two year stay I met a girl. She was the most beautiful woman I had ever met, aside from my current girlfriend. I had started acting out towards my girl who was currently still in London to the point we broke up. We broke up for a month and that whole month I had tried to turn out this new girl I had just met, let’s call her shans. Ok shans was an adventure, we’d be on the phone 24/7 and before we knew it we had become best friends. I was thrilled as everything was going to plan. She started loosening up towards me, coming over for sleep overs telling me her secrets all that good best friend stuff. Long story short I ended up getting her to go out with me for two months and then we broke up, as I realised I only had a sexual attraction towards Shans. I had moved back to London as my mother was ill, during my stay my ex girl had asked my how my scholarship went and all the good things and if I had found someone else. I straight up lied and told her no, she said she hadn’t neither and that the break was to realise how much we needed each other. We got back together two weeks after and shans kept belling off my line I aired her for a couple weeks, then I started to accept her calls. She’d be talking dirty to me telling me how she misses my touch blah blah blah. As we continued to keep in contact I found myself developing feelings to the extent at one point in my life I had tried to change my current girlfriend into more or less shans. I follow shans on everything and I feel like I’m addicted and obsessed with her I just want to be in between her legs. I dream about her, when I’m having sex with my soon to be wife I imagine it’s shans. I can no longer have a orgasm if I’m not thinking about her during sex. I decided enough is enough and brought her down to London and introduced her to my girl as my cousin. Whenever she’d go to uni I’d sneak in shans room and eat her 🐱, shans would send me nudes upon nudes, in general she was just more freakier than my girl. Me and shans messed about for four months during my current relationship, until my girl saw the text message I explained myself of course she was mad but she gave me another chance. After my second chance shans started getting annoyed saying I can’t have my cake and eat it too. She stopped talking to me after that argument, meaning the rest of the year was relatively quiet. One morning I woke up to a notification, shans had gotten a boyfriend. This irked my soul it made me extremely jealous, I went over to her house to remind her that her 🐱 is mine not no niggas. We fucked and I kept it in mind that this was the last time. (Time jump) it’s now three years later (2017) even though I don’t talk to shans she’s constantly on my mind and when I see her on road she looks even sexier than I recall. She reached out to me in search of a strictly plutonic friendship, I agreed. Now fast forwarding to the present day, me and shans still talk however only on a friend level my soon to be wife is 5 months pregnant and I still have deep feelings for shans. It’s simple things like her laugh, her smell, her funsized hight, her belly piercing her two tattoos, her plump lips and her caramel skin that entice me. I am deeply committed to me fiancé, but I can’t seem to leave shans alone and it doesn’t help my situation that shans reminds me of how she feels about me daily. So oloni can you please help me, I don’t know what to do I love my wife and my current situation however shans has a piece of my heart as well. All the best T xx
8. May 2017
What you’re going through is beyond my help if I’m completely honest. The fact that you’ve been messing with two different women, with one constantly at the back of your mind shows you’re not ready to be a husband or be in type of commitment. You’ve lied, you’ve cheated and created life with someone who doesn’t know how you feel inside. You’ve even tried to cling on to a friendship with the sidechick.
My advice would be to allow your fiancee to focus on her pregnancy, because even though she needs to know eventually (after birth)…right now isn’t the best time. I’d also advise, that you hold off the wedding date, so once she knows how you feel and what’s really been going on, it gives her the chance to know what she’d be committing to. I think you should try seeking therapy alone, because what you’re going through sounds deep. You started your dilemma with ‘I love my soon to be wife’, but from what a lot of people, including myself have learnt about love, is that it does not hurt. What you’ve been doing behind her back is extremely hurtful an it’s important you figure out why, you’re behaving this way.
I met a guy who ticks all my boxes. One day we were discussing our past and it turns out I had sex with his cousin that he’s not close to 4 yrs ago. He said he can’t get over that and we decided to be close friends. We had sex but I still really really really like him. He’s perfect for me. However, he told me he wants to be in a long term relationship. I offered to hook him up with my cousin because I thought this will make me move on from him. I also sent him a long message that I want to leave the friend zone because I am tired of acting like a gf and still being a friend. We haven’t talked for a few days and I miss him. How do I move on? Should I tell my cousin about me and him because they have started talking now.
8. May 2017
Why would you hook up your cousin with someone you like? … Sis are you trying to make life harder for yourself? You need to leave this guy alone. He’s expressed how he feels, so respect it and find someone new who can tick even more boxes.
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