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Hi Olini! I’ve been with my boyfriend officially about 10 months now. We had the conversation about becoming exclusive in November last year and then “officially” got together in December. We’d been together about 4 weeks when he found out that he was going to be a dad. Before we had become exclusive, he had gone back to a girl he was briefly seeing to get his stuff from her house, obviously things happened and she fell pregnant. He has been completely honest with me since he found out, been so respectful of my feelings and has apologised more times than I can count for the situation. The deed was done when we weren’t officially together, and we became a couple without the knowledge of the baby. I absolutely love and adore this man like I never thought was possible. He’s my one and only and I would never forgive myself if I walked away from him, but it’s really hard for me knowing he has a baby with someone else. His daughter was born in June and since then I’ve become very emotional. I can’t think about the situation without crying, and almost anything can set me off now – I wasn’t like this before. He’s made it clear to his baby mum that I am around, she’s dating someone else and has said that she’d like to meet me in the future and hopes we can be friends, so I don’t think any drama lies here for now. He’s very respectful towards me, and has always been incredibly supportive and understanding when I get upset about the situation. He’s never become angry with me even though we have the same conversations about my feelings and his daughter over and over again. I absolutely don’t want to get in the way of his relationship with his daughter, but I find it really hard to accept the situation. I’ve been with fuckboys in the past, and I can tell you for sure he isn’t one, he’s given me a promise ring, we’ve talked about moving in together in the near future, and eventually marriage, and kids and how his daughter would fit into that scenario and I really do see a future with him. It’s a hard situation to be in for me, because I love this man like nothing else, and I know that he feels the same about me. But I’ve become an emotional wreck and it’s really taking a toll on me. I don’t really know what to do.
4. November 2017
Heya hun, you’re going to have to accept the situation and learn how to cope (?) not the exact words I want to use. But if I’m honest, I’m personally not fond of men with new women in their lives after having a baby with someone else… regardless of how it happened.
However, if you’re sure that this guy is the one, you need to let him know how you’re feeling, but also understand that if you’re going to stay in this relationship.. you can’t keep tearing up over a situation that will never change. It could lead to resentment.
Have a think about your options carefully.
Oloni
hello, i’m 19 and just finished uni and i’m having to pay my bills myself so now my only solution seems to be getting a sugar daddy. please do you think i should go ahead or not?
4. November 2017
You could also get a job, sell used/unused items. Getting a sugar daddy isn’t really a big deal as long as you’re clued up about it.
Oloni
Yo Oloni, I had a 3some with one of my girlfriends and a guy who we had both already slept with. Lately I discovered that those two continued sleeping together without telling me and It’s making me feel like I’m not good enough. My friend told me I ate her out the best she’s ever had and the guy who we both had sex with always busts a nutt in minutes with me so why would they pursue a sexual relationship with eachother and not me? When I asked my friend she said she was developing feelings for the guy but wanted to continue having fun with me. The thing is, I’ve developed feelings for the guy, I knew him first and now I feel like i’m losing both of them individually and to eachother. The whole situation is giving me major anxiety and I don’t know how to approach either of them with how I feel? Please Oloni do you have any advice?
19. October 2017
For those reading.. I’m guessing it’s a woman writing in.
Okay, first of all this is why I always tell people to make sure the third party is a stranger. Talk to yur friend about how you feel, it seems as though you could be jealous. If you’re all fooling around at different times the argument of “I knew him first” doesn’t cut it. Especially if the feelings she has for your friend is mutual. Just tell her how you feel and stop sleeping with them both or individually.
Oloni
If you like a guy and you’ve been texting and hes engaging with conversation well, does it mean he likes you back or is he just being polite as he may not know you like him?
19. October 2017
Depends. If you’ve started every conversation, then he’s just being polite. If not, ask him out and see.
Oloni
Hello! I was adopted by an English white family (I’m Jamaican by birth) and my whole life my family tried to suppress my culture and tried to keep me from my origins as much as they could, and I never noticed because I was just a child. However I just started uni and I met this amazing Jamaican guy and we’ve been seeing each other and when my family visited, they said I could invite him to lunch with us. They were really nice to him but after told me they thought that I should find someone else because I wasn’t like “his people”. But I literally am? I’m so confused. And angry. Where do I go from here?
19. October 2017
Your parents are racist and you need to have an open conversation about what you’ve noticed.
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