Ask me sex and relationship questions here anonymously. Please make questions as *brief* as possible to make sure you get a response. Please be aware that some dilemmas may be posted on social media platforms and cannot be removed on there or Ask Oloni once submitted. Not all questions sent can be answered due to the high amount received daily. For a QUICK response book aprivate callhere
Hey Oloni, so me and my girlfriend have been together almost 2 years now (I’m a lesbian btw) it’s coming up to me starting university soon, and I need to start considering my offers. I told her that if I didn’t get the offers I wanted from the uni’s in my home area, I’d have no choice but to move away really (even though I think a fresh start would be good for both of us) and I’ve obviously asked her to come with me if I do move. However, she is saying no because her mum doesn’t earn a lot of money, and she wants to stay home to support her mum financially which is understandable, but she’s almost 22 and her mum will never be able to survive without her if she’s always there. I don’t know if I should be pissed at the fact that she’s declined my offer to move away with me. She know shown much going to university means to me, and I don’t want to do it without her, but it’s really important to me and I’m so stuck on what to do. Please help X
17. January 2017
Hey hun, I think you both need to slow down, it’s a bit unfair on your part to ask her to move down just because you’re going away to university. If she feels like she wants to support and help out her mum, you have to respect her decision as your girl.
To me it sounds like you’re really scared of losing her, which is understandable..but you can still go off to university and make time to see each other. There are plenty of couples who have long distant relationships. You’ve been committed for two years, so hopefully you would have created a solid foundation for this to happen.
Talk to her about how you feel, but try to be considerate of her own responsibilities and commitments.
Oloni
Hi Oloni. I am from a Muslim, African family and marriage is a big thing for woman. Especially since I’ve graduated now I keep getting the ‘so when u getting married’ ‘oh I know this guy!’ from my relatives. its not that I don’t want to get married, its just I don’t know how to meet guys anymore (I’m not ugly, nice face but a bit of extra weight) and i keep getting the ‘your 22 youre expiring hurry up’. I’m stressed about life after uni not being what I expected so this isnt somethin I want to think about but at the same time i want someone.
17. January 2017
Hey hun, thanks for writing in. This is something plenty of women are familiar with once they graduate from university. It’s as if, finding a husband means, they’re set for life. If you find a particular family member saying the same thing, in regards to getting married, ask them politely to stop.
I think your main focus should be putting yourself out there and meeting new men, not marriage. Try going to more social gatherings, events and try online dating.
Oloni
Hi Oloni, I went for a job interview and I met this cute guy who happened to be the one to interview me. After the interview he asked for my number, he texted immediately as I got home and said, that he likes me and that he’d like us to have a personal discussion. Though I think he’s cool, I really don’t like his approach. I really want this job, but I don’t think his presence will make me comfortable. What should I do?
17. January 2017
Hey hun, this is so annoying. It’s not very unprofessional of him to contact you in this way. I know you want this job but I think you should politely let him down, or use this in your favour and play dumb.
So if he contacts you again, you say something along the lines of ‘Oh is this to do with the interview that I applied for?’ Basically use wisdom to make it clear, that your only interest lies within the job offer you were interviewed for.
I really hope you get the job! Good luck.
Oloni
Hey Oloni, so I’ve been friends with this guy for around a year now and I’d say recently I’m liking him a bit more. He’s done a massive glo up and now I’m like ‘yasss lawd’. We get on so well and we always banter, he’s a big softie. I find that when we’re alone in my room he’ll grab my waist and hips and pull me in closer and find any excuse to hold me (we play fight a lot), and I feel some sort of ‘sexual’ tension between us. Even at parties we tend to spend time together and hold hands/each other. Even randomly, I’ll find him staring at me. The problem is that I’m not sure if he likes me like that. I mean he’ll joke about the guys who message me (which is not that much), and say I got all these guys on me. Deep down, I want him and I want to act on this tension (i.e kiss him) but he is shy and I don’t want things to be awkward between us as friends if anything happened, what do you think I should do??
16. January 2017
Aww yass. This is so cute lol! I think you should shoot your shot and simply ask him out on a date. You’re already friends and flirt so it won’t be a big deal. Say something like, ‘we should go out to eat some time or grab a drink’. From what you’ve described, it sounds like he’s really attracted to you, so see if the rest of that chemistry is there too.
I’ve been seeing someone for 4 months, he told me he’d slept with someone else the other day and if this was ok, I just said ok cool… because he is not my my man and I didn’t want to seem like a weirdo too early and tbh I don’t like when ppl can see that I care about them so much cos then I feel weak. When I didn’t get upset he started being nasty and saying things like what so you don’t care, you must be a hoe etc… I feel like this is my fault. Other than this we are great together and he says he wants us to be together im just not ready to be in a relationship for reasons like this, I gave trust issues and clearly I’m right to. How do you feel I should go about this, I feel like his genuinely turned this around on me and made me feel as though it’s my own fault. I know we aren’t in a relationship which makes me feel I have no right to cut it off with him just because his slept with someone else, but I’ve been loyal to him since I met him and it would be world war 3 if it were vice versa
16. January 2017
No offence but this dude sounds like a loser. Someone who cares about you will not try to get a negative reaction out of you on purpose, just because you’re not committed. Not being exclusive doesn’t mean you’re allowed to accept disrespect. He’s insensitive. He even went as far as to slut-shame you for not getting a rise from you. Bin this dude girl, he sounds extremely immature.
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