#AskOloni Faking The Big O

If you haven’t heard I’ve recently become the agony aunt over at Pride Magazine and will be writing monthly columns. Here are some of the questions I’ve answered in their past issues.

Your favourite sex and relationship agony aunt

Disclaimer: All dilemmas have been sent from real women and taken from www.simplyoloni.com/ask but answered in this feature in more detail.

My Boyfriend & My Hair

Hello Oloni, I recently transitioned my hair, so I’m going natural. I used to watch all those YouTube girls with loose curls and my boyfriend used to comment on how gorgeous they were and said he’d support me 100%. However, 3 months after my big chop my afro has emerged and it’s nothing like those YouTube girls. When I had a buzz cut he said I looked stunning but now it’s growing out he says I look like a ‘starving African child’. It’s making me insecure and I’m tempted to relax my hair and install a weave. Should I just go natural despite his dislike?– Anonymous

The comment your boyfriend made was clearly very offensive and you need to pull him up on how to speak to you, by addressing how it made you feel. Even if he didn’t like the transition of your hair there were one hundred ways he could have said so and that was not one of them. There’s nothing wrong with being honest, we’re not always going to like the shirt our boyfriend wears and refuses to burn, it’s just how you deliver the message that’s important. There are several women who have gone through the big chop and found it hard to maintain so decided to just get a weave or wig whilst still keeping their hair natural. Wear what makes YOU feel confident. Don’t change the texture of your hair based on an insensitive comment.

Love & Money

Hey Oloni, I’ve been with my boyfriend for nearly a year, but I feel like I’m putting more effort than him financially. I’ll use my last twenty just to make sure he’s  happy whereas when he gets money he’ll rather go out with friends. He hasn’t taken me out ages, if we do I know I’m paying. I’ve done so much for him financially it’s ridiculous. But besides that he shows me affection and does make me happy. How do I go about changing this? – Anonymous

The mistake a lot of women make once they enter a relationship is avoiding clear red signs and settling for the bare minimum. You’re not his sugar mama so you shouldn’t be spending your last £20 just to put a smile on his face. Sit down, have a conversation and let him know what you’ve noticed. You have a right to want to feel appreciated through kind gestures from time to time, that’s part of what it means to be in a relationship. You’re also not his wife so stop handling his financial problems.

Faking The Big O

Hi Oloni, I’ve been with my boyfriend for five years and he has never given me an orgasm. I’ve had to fake it every single time and lie. He’s very confident that he can satisfy me, so I don’t want to hurt him. He also doesn’t take criticism very well. How do I tell him?- Anonymous

You can’t keep lying just because he’s unable to take criticism well. He’s not having sex with himself, your body matters too, so if there are things you’d prefer then tell him. What does your body enjoy the most? Longer foreplay? Oral pleasure? Let him know. Guide him around your body. His pride does not come first or even second here. Do understand this however, women do not always reach an orgasm during sex, so it’s important to focus on how you can enjoy the experience rather than the climax.