Don’t Be The Bag Lady

Relationships come and go often, especially for those of us in our twenties. See, we’re at an age where we are attempting to figure out what works and doesn’t work according to our standards. We are trying to figure out what makes a person date-worthy and what our true likes and dislikes are. There are those of us who believe in trying time and time again until we find that “fit” that will succeed. Then there are those of us who reflect on our not-so-great dating experiences and catch up on some dating advice in order to avoid repeating the same mistakes. In doing so, you’ll come up on tons of great dating do’s and don’ts. Listen as often as you speak. Focus more on showing your amazing personality than on your physical being. Never sacrifice who you are in your relationship, etc. But here’s a piece of advice many of us often overlook, and some others never hear enough (kudos to Miss Badu):

“Don’t Be The Bag Lady.”

We all know who the “Bag Lady” is. She (or he!) is that someone who carries around a ton of baggage from past relationships and personal experiences. Often, they are weighed down by this baggage and allow it to determine how they interact with their partners in new relationships. Baggage can either make or break us, and often leans toward the break. When you allow baggage to control you and your outlook on relationships, it often comes in the form of fear and anxiety. This can affect the level of trust in relationships early on. It certainly has a huge effect on communication between partners. Often we think letting our partners in on “who we are because of our pasts” can be a positive thing, yet, allowing our baggage to determine our attitudes and approaches toward our partners can have an adverse effect.

Many of you are probably thinking, “my baggage is a part of me, an important experience that has made me who I am.” This is very true, however this does NOT have to be your story. Many people enter relationships with memories of past experiences that were abusive, filled with dishonesty and familiar with infidelity and chaos. This makes them sheltered, a bit more hesitant and often more pensive before making moves. These people avoid moving impulsively. I was that person, however I realized that in order to move forward into my relationship successfully, I must be able to both ACKNOWLEDGE my baggage and RELEASE it. Accepting this allowed me to see that my baggage did more harm than good. I was unwilling to fully trust someone who had never given me reason to distrust him. I was falling into fits of depression over personal issues and placing the weight of the world on my partner who could only help me as much as I was willing to help myself.

Your experiences can give you wonderful insight. You learn immeasurable lessons that are lifelong and often move more wisely within partnerships. However, leaning on your baggage can often cause you to use them as a crutch. Be careful not to refer to your past experiences for “wisdom” so often that you do in fact become “The Bag Lady”, weighed down by them instead of empowered by the lessons they were meant to teach. Allow them to lift you, to push you forward, but not to restrain your progress. Our baggage cannot truly be seen as baggage, if we are to create NEW memories and new experiences. Our baggage can only be temporary to serve as a lesson, not permanently hanging on our backs.

Jeaiza M. Quinones
Writer/Blogger
www.MindofMcshorty.com