6 Ways To Not Let Pettiness Poison Your Self-Growth After Cutting Someone Off

I am going to be honest here I can be petty. It is a personality trait of mine that I am trying to regulate. We all know that being aware of something and trying to catch yourself when you are doing it is a step in the right direction to changing. So I have to say I’m quite proud myself. It is a new year and so far so good…no pettiness. However, we all know that change does not come easy especially when you have decided to change something that is more or less hardwired into you due to years of exercising the trait. Something that is definitely tested during a conflict like the end of a platonic relationship maybe you have recently cut someone off and the separation was not a clean cut at all. It somehow managed to take a bitter, spiteful turn, potentially compromising all of your recent good behaviour. It can be hard but here are a few things to keep in mind when situations like this test your patience and cause your petty side to rear its ugly head:

1) Trials and tests are inevitable:

It’s always when you try to change for the better when things start to arise to test you. But the only way to get stronger is to challenge your current strength level. Try to remind yourself of previous petty behaviour and how it may have felt good in the moment but then afterwards you have regretted even giving the situation the time of day. It simply deters you from change by feeding into the negativity petty behaviour encourages.


2) You don’t need to explain yourself to anyone:

There will be people who will continue to associate you to your old ways no matter how much you may explain or attempt to show them that you have changed. But it is not your place to edit a person’s perception of you. The only thing you need to worry about is nurturing your personal growth so you continue to blossom. For some people to ease their negative thoughts about themselves is to have company in their own personal hell. So just continue doing you because that’s exactly what the people commenting about you are doing with or without an explanation.


3) You are allowed to feel hurt:

Cutting someone off is not always a swift clean cut even though it may look like that at first. When you are in a heightened emotional state your decision always seems final. But when all the emotions have simmered down you may notice that the cut is a little jagged and may even sting a little leaving you to wonder whether you made the right decision. It hurts a little bit more removing someone from your life when they have hurt you in a way that you know you would never hurt them. This may cause you to want to make them feel the way you felt, to understand on an emotional level just how much pain they have inflicted on you, how much it lingers on your mind while they seem to feel like a simple apology can make it all better. It’s almost an insult in some cases, “I’m sorry,” a breezy dismissal of the damage that could potentially be irreversible. This can usually spur you towards giving them a taste of their own medicine. However, it is important to allow yourself to hurt and not let the desire to be petty overpower you from taking the necessary steps to move on from the situation.


4) Never underestimate the power of silence:

When you found yourself in a heated confrontation whether it is in person, on the phone or through text it is always tempting to provoke the other person. It has helped me to remember that a reaction willingly hands over power. It is an indication that the person can get to you and the more occasions you allow them to get to you, it sharpens their technique of playing puppet master with your emotions. They can throw in a little emotional manipulation, playing mind games and overall just do things that have a negative affect on your mood. If you decide to communicate your issues some people will find it patronising or feel like you are trying to portray yourself to be better than others. When really the only person you are trying to be better than is the old, quick-to-retaliate, petty person you used to be and you don’t have the time to escalate a situation that could be easily resolved. They could be blowing everything out of proportion and looking for a fight. Recognising these signs makes it easier to not be tempted into giving the person the reaction they want. You will learn to say your piece and continue living in peace.



5) Surround yourself with positivity:

You are what you surround yourself with. So, surrounding yourself with the things and people you love encourages love. Surrounding yourself with people who make you feel unsure about yourself, insecure, put you down encourages…well, nothing. Positivity is not just a word and goes beyond having the best intentions or a certain mindset – it’s a lifestyle.


6) Try not to be so hard on yourself:

And finally, try not to be too hard on yourself. Connections are made and sometimes what used to be such a great chemistry can become frazzled. It is important to remember throughout the process of loss to never lose yourself too, don’t give the person the joy of seeing your expression waver, your actions become irrational or your words to become harsh.

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Paige Vahla

Paige Vahla

Simply Oloni's Sex & Relationships Editor. I'm either writing or thinking about what to write next.

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