4 Things To Consider Before Sleeping With Your Friend’s Ex

They say men come and go. But the bond you have with your girlfriends is usually created with a long-lasting formula. We are all very much aware that relationships of any kind can shapeshift right before your eyes. Friends can become enemies, enemies can become friends, friends can be enemies in disguise and all the people we meet begin as strangers and can just as easily revert back. The reality is we have no idea what is going to happen with the people we encounter in our lives.

Like when you find yourself wanting to bang your friend’s ex for example?

It is definitely a sticky one, something you can find yourself unpeeling from its’ sticky surface is drama. Attraction is a funny thing. It’s not always something you can predict and in a situation like this one, there are multiple factors that can be preventing you from taking things further. There are boundaries created for a reason with repercussions when lines are crossed. That’s just the way it works.

So, what do you do when you have found yourself in this situation? Here are a few things you may want to consider while you figure out your next move:

Girl Code

First things first let’s start with the most obvious. Girl Code. If we were to arrange the rules with the harshest offenses placed first I’m sure don’t sleep with your friend’s ex would be hiked up quite high on the list.

Some may argue that it depends on how close you are to the person and how serious the relationship was. But my argument? It’s all about how you decide to behave in the situation.

We know what we expect from people and from ourselves and I doubt going behind people’s back is one of those things. What they don’t know won’t hurt them now but it definitely could later. You do not want to be that friend. The one who ends up doing things behind her friend’s back with her ex just to avoid the conversation of addressing your feelings.

Can you handle other people outside of your situation questioning your understanding of the code? To some, you will always be a bad friend. If you are going to do this you cannot care about what other people think because their thoughts might filter on to their facial expressions of disapproval, in how they treat you and what they say to your friend, “Why are you still friends with her?”
“How can you be friends with someone who would happily fuck your ex?”
“No respect.”
“Hasn’t she heard of Girl Code?”

Maybe you’ll never hear these words but you’ll suspect people are thinking it or saying it to other people. Because let’s face it – everyone’s opinions differ on this subject and most of these opinions aren’t great…there’s no cheat sheet for this code.

People may get hurt

No matter the situation you always have a right to feel how you feel. Regardless of how people may feel about it. The best things in life can spark up from the most unexpected sources. You cannot let peoples’ opinions get in the way of your happiness. Your happiness is solely your responsibility it cannot derive from anyone else.

So how important are other people’s opinions? They have as much importance as you give it. Putting yourself first requires a level of selfishness but how many people could you potentially hurt while pursuing your desires? And how can you avoid being disrespectful, deceitful or completely disregarding other people’s feelings just to make yourself comfortable?

Your friendship may change

This brings me on to my next point: your friendship may never be the same again. It may not be announced verbally but you could find that you must choose between the two. Your friend or your friend’s ex. It may happen gradually, the blossoming of one relationship drains the life out of another. Or you may not have realise it’s happening until it has happened.

The situation could become very complicated

Does this person even feel the same? Is he just taking advantage and/or does he just like the excitement? At the end of the day, things will look worse for you because he no longer has any loyalty towards your friend but you do. What if she still has feelings for the guy deep down?

Have you been completely honest with your friend about the way you feel about her ex? There might be a possibility that your friend and her ex were not that serious but what if the spark between you and her ex may stir feelings of rejection in her she didn’t think she could feel?

You have got to be prepared for the questions these complications could bring such as there are plenty of other men available – why this one? After your friend confided in you about everything she went through with him?

It’s also important to bare in mind that your friend’s ex does not owe an explanation to anyone and he can leave the situation unscathed if things take a turn for the worst. And if it does, will the same friend help you pick up the pieces this time? A genuine long-lasting connection is not an easy thing to find. You may be comprising it with your friend for some short-term satisfaction. It all comes down to whether you believe that dick is worth it.

What are your thoughts? Tweet us over at @SimplyOloni.

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Paige Vahla

Paige Vahla

Simply Oloni's Sex & Relationships Editor. I'm either writing or thinking about what to write next.

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