To Get Over One, Must We Get Under Another?
‘I just need to go on some dates and I’ll be fine’
Her famous last words to round off the 2 ½ hour conversation we had regarding her recent break up.
As usual, my friends are constantly making bodacious statements that somehow trigger 80% of my articles – (thanks guys J).
After breaking up with her boyfriend less than 2 weeks ago, she was already on Tinder hooking up dates. She showed me a few of the potentials and it was very clear that she was just going for anything available.
I asked her why she would waste her time with guys she really had no interest in, she replied: ‘I’m just trying to occupy my time until a good guy comes along’.
To get over one, must you get under another?
My cousin always says ‘to kick a habit, you have to adopt a new habit’ – apparently, this is also applicable to relationships, who knew!
As much as I disagree with all of the above statements, as I look at my own track record I’d be lying if I said I haven’t fallen victim to the same vicious process. Relationship > break up > go on random dates to occupy your time > stumble across a decent one > and repeat. (usually in the hopes of finding someone who will break that cycle).
A lot of times, we find it hard dealing with our own truths, the things in our lives that bring us a little pain or discomfort. Nobody wants to be the one drowning in self-pity so we yield to things that will distract us and occupy our brain space – new hobby, drowning yourself in work, going out every weekend and getting wasted, a new man???
I remember after my first real relationship went sour I took up photography. I got really good at it, started up my own wedding photography business and even made some decent money out of it. That ‘passion’ was short loved because it served its purpose which was to act as some kind of numbing agent, my paracetamol to take the pain away. With time, the pain subsided and so did my ‘passion’. But I wonder, do we do this with people?
Do we use other people to get over a past hurt just to throw them away once they’ve served their purpose?
A close male friend of mine recently stumbled across the revelation that his current may very well have been a rebound. ‘I can’t be with her anymore, she was supposed to be the girl who stole my heart away from my ex. I like her but…. this hasn’t helped’.
I mean! Girl didn’t even wait the customary cooling off period, or even keep it under wraps for a few months before making things so public! Nope! She went from ex to the next! 0 – 100!
To be honest, I’m not mad at her.
Is the hubby a rebound? Maybe
Was it too soon? Subjective
Is it real love? Who knows?
Who’s to say who is and isn’t rebound, what if less than three months is all she needed to get over the ex?
I can’t say that having a rebound is a bad thing, but I can’t say it is a good thing either. Would you mind being involved with someone who was still in love with another person? Still in recovery from a past hurt? Then again, aren’t we all in recovery of something? Are we asking too much of other people by wanting them to be ‘whole ‘in every aspect? Don’t we all have some form of baggage?
Whether you woke up in a strange persons bed this morning simply because you wanted to feel wanted again after the blow of rejection, or just spent hours in the gym just to occupy your mind, we all have our choice of pain relief.
Is it worth running the risk of hurting another person just so that you can speed up the process of getting over a past hurt?
Have you opted for a rebound just to get over an ex? Or maybe you have been the rebound in this equation? I’d love to hear how that worked out for you.
