The Sex Ed Teacher

Remember the birds and the bees story?

The first time I was taught about sex I was in year 5 (around 10 years old). It was a quick and brief documentary that had us all pulling faces out of sheer repulsion.

Secondary school came and from the get go it was who fancies who. Popping in our best earrings after school, applying mascara and brushing those edges to make sure that we looked “choong” ready for the boys.

While some of us took a little longer with certain experiences, some were much braver and went all out. You know we were always ready for “the tea” about how it all went down (insert Love & Basketball fantasies here).

When I look back on how I came to understand sex, I question who taught me then and who is teaching the masses now…..

Parents

I personally never had that conversation. Growing up in an African house, uncomfortable subjects were not discussed. However, just because I never got “the talk” there was still this invisible message that read, “Don’t get pregnant at a young age.”

Church

Going to church, that was a topic not talked about too heavily either. But once again it was frowned upon if someone did get pregnant outside of being married. All these invisible rules from home to the church, it’s no wonder a few people pretended not to see them. There were a few churches I went to that did speak about sex, but that felt like, “Hey kids, don’t have sex…hell is awaiting.” So the 0-100 method never really worked for me.

Friends

“Did it hurt?”
“Did you bleed?”
“Tell me all the details.”

Familiar words heard between females about their earliest sexual experiences.

“Did you ride him?”
“How long did you guys go for?”

Familiar words heard about more advanced sexual experiences. Friends stories seemed like the best way to go into your first experience with all the info you needed. Where would we be without that friend that took the plunge first?

Social Media

I can’t log into Twitter these days without seeing porn so freely available. Personally, nothing is worse than seeing it in the morning when you are still trying to digest your first cup of tea. Now, there are articles everywhere about blow jobs and all kinds of sexual experiences. This does make me wonder, for the young teenage girl who is logged into Twitter, is this how she is learning?

Although we grew up in the age of social media, I’m glad that we got the chance to grow up without it too.

Here’s 4 things I wish I was told:

1) It’s okay if my boyfriend doesn’t want to be with me if I don’t want to have sex. Somebody else will appreciate me for who I am regardless of if sex is on the table

2) You don’t have to compare your body & your sexual experiences to your friends

3) Jesus loves you anyway. The church says we should wait until marriage. In some cases, it doesn’t turn out that way but know He still loves you and will forgive you always

4) A guy has 2 brains. When he wants to bareback knowing you have goals for your life, he is thinking with the brain downstairs. Two do the act but one carries the life. Oh, & get tested if you trust each other to do it without (check them results girl!)

Who taught you about sex? Who will teach your future children about sex? Though we may not have had the best guides, it doesn’t mean we can’t be the best guides in the future or even now.

By @Bola_Sol