The Girlfriend Fluffer

I remember a few years ago reading an article by Julia Allison in Cosmopolitan discussing what it means to be a ‘Wife Fluffer’.

Wife Fluffer, n. – The last girlfriend before the wife. The girlfriend who prepares a guy for the woman he’ll marry.

It later hit me that although there are women in apparent loving, committed and long-term relationships; it seems that most usually have no idea that they are what Allison calls a ‘Wife Fluffer’. Similarly there are girls who don’t realise that they are in fact the ‘Girlfriend Fluffer’, until they have invested time and emotional attachment into a guy she believes could possibly be her boyfriend but instead is unintentionally prepping him for the next girl that comes along.

Becoming the embodiment of a ‘Girlfriend Fluffer’ typically means showing a man you’re currently ‘seeing’ but not officially with, how much you need, want and/or desire them. You’ll be surprised by how some men lack confidence, until we, as women, have put them on a pedestal and shown them their potential.

So how do we put them on this pedestal?


By frequently showing a certain amount (too much in most cases) of love and attention. It’s as if we emit over the confidence they failed to exude prior to the relationship which, in turn provides the guy with the power and a ready prepared positioning in the drivers seat.

When you show an unwavering amount of loyalty to a man, some guys see it and may want to take it to the next step of becoming ‘official’, whereas others could manipulate the situation and abuse it. It’s all about being safe because essentially no girl wants to be a ‘Girlfriend Fluffer’, it never ends in their favour.

‘Girlfriend Fluffers’ give their all into one person without gaining anything back, but to see the man they were with pursue another woman. It would make a girl think, ‘Well why wasn’t I good enough?’. The answer? You probably were, but chances are it had nothing to do with you, but one thing, the power you so willingly handed over.

Below are 3 different types of Girlfriend Fluffers, if you’re any of them, abort, abort, abort. .

1) The ‘Shooting in the Gym’ girl
I’m sure, you’re familiar with the Drake line, but she’s the girl who motivates him and pushes him to do better and be better. She’s there for him and his goals, helps him to believe in himself. These type of Girlfriend Fluffers probably turn crazy, because they usually end up on the phone talking to their best friends. ‘I was there for that ni**a’.- Nope you chose to commit as a fluffer.

2) The ‘fun’ type of girl
She doesn’t want anything serious and enjoys the dates here and there, you can really relax with her because you know you have nothing to worry about. The sex is amazing and she’s ready, whenever, wherever. Till later down the line after one of the greatest orgasms, she turns to you in bed and asks ‘Where is this going?’.

3) The ‘I-CAN-CHANGE-HIS-MIND’ type of girl
These are the delusional women who probably give men the biggest headaches as well as love. Yes, both is possible. He repeatedly said from the beginning, he wasn’t sure if he wanted a relationship. So instead, you hang on for months trying to change his mind. You care for him, open up to him and try to build a relationship to show you can both trust each other. You know, the stuff you do when you’re IN a relationship.

Eventually she get’s tired of trying and leaves. The outcome, the next girl that comes along he decides to be in a relationship with. In all these different examples, it still shows how women can give and give to a man, only left to be the fluffer for his next relationship. The worst type of person to give any sort of power, affection or love to, is someone you’re not committed to.

Maybe the next guy that comes along will be fluffed for us, some girl has to do it.

Dear Girlfriend Fluffer,

How can I ever express my gratitude? You taught my man a lot of things, I’m glad I never had to!

I wouldn’t be here without you. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Love, The Girlfriend.

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Dami Olonisakin

Dami Olonisakin

Editor-In-Chief and Founder of Simply Oloni.

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