The Awkward Honeymoon Stage in Your Relationship

The beginning of new found romance is always terribly exciting; getting to know each others likes and dislikes, that first moment of intimacy, date nights, meeting each others friends and family. You cannot deny that there aren’t many experiences as wonderful as the ‘honeymoon period’; I feel like it is half the reason a lot of us are stuck in the dating game. Partly because we don’t want to ruin that initial fun enthusiasm; we feel like the second we label ourselves, we join the queue of bitter lovers destined for doom. But mainly because we actually can’t get past the ‘getting to know each other’ stage with much ease….or any at all. As your relationship becomes more serious, there are certain, ‘obstacles’ you have to overcome that can ultimately make or break your set up. I feel like more often than not these problems are more rife for women.

Dating is always super, he walks you to your door, you give it the old: “well this is me..” you get a little closer, maybe you kiss and both leave happy and some what satisfied. If progression wasn’t a thing, maybe we could all stay comfortable, but nothing is that easy. The first sleep over is a big one for the ladies.
The first panic comes as you pack your make up wipes; Oh Lord. “This guy is about to see me without make up on for the first time. I’m really not sure I can deal with this, what if he thinks I’m a total dragon? What if I look terrible in the morning?”  As the initial anxiety sets in, and you begin to dread the morning after, your mind begins to wander; “Speaking of morning, what in Gods name am I to do about morning breath? Do I get out of bed early, before him to rectify make up / breath situation, or do I moisturise + mouthwash the night before and hope for the best?!”
These horrific thoughts plague your mind, as you riffle to the bottom of your underwear draw to find that cute little Victoria’s Secret number you bought the last time you were in this dreaded situation. Only to discover, Victoria did have a secret, the secret was: this 75 quid lace leotard is the most uncomfortable thing known to man and you are about to spend the entire evening chaffing.
Just as you’re about to get dressed, you realise that you got so caught up in preparation that you forgot the crucial shave shower.  At this point, perhaps, lets say for arguments sake you’re already late. You hop in and hop out. Suddenly, as if things weren’t stressful enough, in your fit of excitement with your brand new razor you have inflicted yourself with the most aggressive of shaving rashes. You are about to spend the next half an hour googling: “How to calm down shaving rash”, during which time you will smother your lady bits in: honey, talcum powder and any other products you find scribbled on ‘WikiHow’.
Finally: make up wipes at the ready, rash calmed, underwear sneaking into every nook and cranny of your under carriage you are raring to go.

That’s it over and done with, you have the greatest evening, and have no idea what you were so worried about….

I wish….!
I read somewhere, that you know you’ve found the love of your life when you can be around them as if you would be on your own. Well being the self confident, care free woman that I am, I would love to be and I will, maybe……in a couple of years. But right now, any chance he might have an inkling that I am actually, I don’t know…..‘human’ is totally prohibited.
You don’t even over come all of these worries after just one single sleep over, filled with torment and mini anxiety attacks. I thought for a long time, that once you had shared a cheeky burp with your respective partner, you were over the worst of it. I could not have been more wrong.
There is nothing like a good weekend away, to push your relationship into a new light. This is the greatest opportunity to make sure all those final, more difficult issues are over come. As a lactose intolerant cheese fan and a strong green tea drinker, I am more than mildly cosy with these issues. I think the first time you realise you’ve really hit the worst of it, is when you’re sitting on the toilet in the bathroom next to the bedroom; The shower is on, the tap is running and you’ve lined the toilet with tissue for extra measure. Without being too vulgar I feel like you know where this is going, and we’ve almost all been there. You cringe every time you think he might hear something hitting the water and you find yourself desperately rummaging, for some kind of air freshener or deodorant. It’s a very difficult time for us women, we are so used to being so honest with our friends, we just never know how to deal with this situation. When is it okay for you to be aware that this girl has a fully functioning digestive system. When is it okay to talk about the fact I snore and fart in my sleep?

Of course we could just go forever not talking about it, I would never be totally comfortable around them, but I would always feel sexy. That’s my concern you see, that the second I’m human, I stop being sexy. The less attractive level of intimacy is the real elephant in the room when you start spending excess amounts of time together. I feel like that first second of flactulence is the deciphering moment of your relationship code. Let me tell you now, if he doesn’t laugh it off for the sake of your humility, it’s going to be a very uncomfortable road. You’ve got to know that you can 100% be who you are around someone. Be healthy, be natural and still be the sexiest thing they’ve ever laid eyes on. I think it’s so important that you can be as liberated as you’d like to be with anyone your romantic with, after all, if things go splendidly, who knows; one day he might be witnessing you push a water melon sized human out of a button hole. Surely, it’s best to start preparing them now…. *queue laughter*

So I say embrace it, at some point men have to accept that we are infact not creatures of fantasy, we do not come photoshop ready. Sometimes our bodies aren’t particularly forgiving, but we’re sexy anyway. See every release of wind, or regrettable post curry toilet trip as another triumph in your relationship. Another obstacle that you can leap with ease. Be comfortable, be free….(but maybe wait a couple of months.) Anyone who has a problem with anything natural about you is a type A jerk. It is not the death of your womanhood, it doesn’t even need a second thought. It’s just a part of life, you are still as sexy as you ever were, I assure you. As strange as it sounds, you will never be truly happy with someone you cannot relax around. Everything you are will be the dream they love, and your embarrassing humanity will just remind them that you’re real.