Sending Unsolicited Dick Pics

I just want to take a moment to throw the topic out there regarding the strange phenomenon of ‘unsolicited dick pics’, something usually seldom discussed but often experienced.

Simply Oloni are pretty sure most women have in their cyber life experienced some form of inappropriate delivery involving an explicit image containing a mans dangly bits. What makes this interaction so strange is how random and uncalled for it is. Generally our initial reaction as women is ‘what the…?’ followed by ‘ O…K…?’ then followed by ‘Erm..what am I supposed to do with this?’ with our face being screwed up in confusion all the way throughout. All in all there is a resounding ‘why?!!’. I guess there are some women, somewhere who actually appreciates the surprise element but I can be sure that more of these women are few and far between, if we are being really, really honest.

There are so many upsetting aspects to sending an unsolicited dick pic, first being the fact it is out of nowhere. No manner of warm up to titillate the mind, sometimes not even a hello, just BAM! A willy in my inbox. This can be quite unnerving and creepy, but worst of all, unsexy! Would it have hurt to have a little lighthearted convo at first? It makes much more sense for this to be sent whilst having a sexting convo. Women are built differently and in most cases, our minds require a warm up for us to get the desired effect of arousal and curiosity, two things I expect you probably wanted us to feel right? Unless of course it is some kind of twisted fetish where you enjoy the awkwardness and confusion that it creates and that is how you (selfishly) get your rocks off (no fair!).

Another issue is when the dick actually looks aesthetically displeasing. This is actually an audacity! As if it isn’t enough that you disturbed my spirit with an unexpected surprise, you want to un-arouse and disgust me further with its unattractive and un-groomed appearance? It’s deeply offensive to send a penis that looks dirty, ashy, scaly, pimply, dis-coloured, itchy, or looking as if you visibly need to go to the clinic, this turns my pussy ALL THE WAY DRY!

MAJOR turn off.

I am actually quite aroused by aesthetics and highly appreciative of well-groomed genitalia, so the very least you can do is send me something nice to look at even if I am disturbed by the randomness.

And when if it’s small…

No. Just no.

The least you can do is experiment with some perception defying angles. Who are you trying to impress? This is a collective grievance, I can assure you.

I think hashtag ’Eggplant Friday’s’ has a couple of you over excited (and that’s if you even have the girth in the first place…)

I have decided in my mind that the men who have the balls (literally) to do this must in some cases have some kind of arrogant, self aggrandising complex where they think this is an ok, sexy and non-creepy activity to partake in. It is wonderful that you have pride in you piece (slow clap for you) but this? This just doesn’t make any sense.

                                                                              Simply Oloni’s Mingling Soirée

The moral is, only send during sexy convo or if you BOTH have an understanding and got it like that. Men please at least wait for a I.O.I (Indication of interest) that she wants you to send one!

Happy dick pic-ing!