Rock, Paper, Boyfriend
We’ve all heard of the phrase ‘Chicks before d*cks’ but why does this rule never work? Nor hold any value? I’ll tell you why, because sometimes/most times it’s not actually true. How many times can you say you’ve had a mishap with your friend because of her new boyfriend or moaned at her because she’s ‘changed’ and become less social during her relationship?
There are so many different types of scenarios and cases where us, as women, may have had to put our boyfriends before our friends and not out of spite, but in a way, out of the love and the strong feelings we have for him.
Men will NOT come & go
‘Men will come and go, but friends are forever’ This is also another saying used by women who try to defend why men should never come in between their friendships. But how many right men will come and go? How many guys can you afford to put aside, because your friendship means more?
Rock, Paper, Boyfriend
When your friend has a boyfriend you’re uneasy about, it can be the downfall of your friendship. It’s the worst. I once had a friend who had a new boyfriend, as soon as that relationship started we never saw each other as much after a while and that was fine, because what new couple doesn’t want to spend every moment of every day together? If you’re friends with someone, you celebrate their successes, you want to see them happy not lonely. It wasn’t until when arguments here and there started happening and a drift between her partner and myself occurred, my friend was backed into a corner with an impossible choice. I can only imagine it not being easy for her at time, but seeing as I don’t share the same bed as her, guess who’s side she’d have to pick? It sounds cruel but friends are expendable. Especially when weighed against someone you see your future with.
Him, him, HIM
I had a conversation with some of my colleagues at work. We were talking about all the times we’ve blown our girls off to be with our boyfriends’, using excuses such as ‘I’m ill, I can’t come out tonight’ etc etc. Now of course that sounds bad, but sometimes being in the company of your other half beats being with girls who enjoy doing the same thing every Saturday night. I’m not talking about friends who bail out on you to go to the house of a random guy that DM’d them that same day. Nope. But if you’re hoping for something substantial to come out of who you’re seeing, you’re bound to explore that potential. And sometimes that may cause you to burn some bridges along the way. Not intentionally but ultimately the happiness you’re sharing with him outweighs the laughs you can catch up on with your girls. When you start dating or you’re with someone, it’s no longer just you that’s in the picture. So sometimes the schedule of an ‘us’ will be higher on your list of priorities and will sometimes clash with the time you spend with others.
Do women normally change when they get a man? Most times in some cases. Its often seen that when a woman is in a serious relationship, where she’s more than content and happy she might change, she may even subconsciously go on a hiatus from her friends without realising it. But its called ADJUSTMENT. People are quick to comment on how you’ve strayed from how you were when you’re with someone. But they fail to understand that you can’t behave like you’re single self when somebody else comes into the equation.
There are many of us who believe that the person we’re with is who we see ourselves with for many years to come. The same person who you’re most likely going to build a future with. And, a majority of the time, we, as women, will not allow anyone to hinder that. No amount of years or trials and tribulations you have gone through with your friend can come close to what you wish to have with your boyfriend. Friendships often come after the guy she’s committed to, because 10 years of your friendship will not always beat someone who can be your provider, lover and shelter. He can do things a friend can’t, but that doesn’t make it bad. It’s just how things work. We, as women, yearn to be loved, that’s how we were built. Other types of love such as agape and philia are just as fulfilling, however eros is the type of passion that is always desired by us more.
Finding a balance is always the best thing, especially if you’re at the early stages of your relationship. Sometimes there’s nothing wrong with wanting to spend more time with someone you’re in a relationship with, compared to your friends. Just try not to get carried away with it that you forget to breathe and be yourself. We forget that not being single is a different stage in life, especially if the relationship is very serious. Lovers are supposed to turn into life partners, the person you build a future with. Friends, although they matter a lot, cannot provide the same height of affection which our boyfriends know how to. So in reality, do men come and go, or do friends?
