My Bicuriousity

Would experimenting with a woman be like losing my virginity all over again? I know it sounds silly, but think about it. All I’ve known my whole sexually active life is men, and being with a woman would be a whole new experience.

Have you ever felt like a sexual act would be good as a fantasy but probably regret it, if it became a reality? Like attending a swingers party with your boyfriend or agreeing to have an open relationship, till you realise you’re the jealous type…

But what about sexually exploring with the same sex even though you know that deep down you’re straight? I’ve always been attracted to men but like most women, I’m able to appreciate another woman’s beauty, but as of recent, I’ve developed crushes. Now, at first I thought they were playful attractions, innocent ones, the type you have when you’re 15, with a boy who sits besides you in double science. But recently I’ve started having sexual thoughts about women and in a way it reminds me of wanting to lose my virginity all over again. I keep thinking about whether or not it would be as awkward as my first heterosexual experience if I chose pursue what’s been going through my mind.

I guess I was too busy masturbating and being straight at university, that I never took much interest in the same sex. In fact, I read and found out that apparently as women age they become more bisexual. So perhaps 19-year-old me had graduated from voicing how she enjoyed being pleased in bed and now 26-year old me, might be ready for something else, especially as I’ve been in a relationship, that had given me a pass to strictly be with only women.

The only issue I have is knowing I’m too much of a chicken to go through with that fantasy and wondering if it’s best left at just that. I ask myself whether or not my sexuality label will have to change. Will I be bisexual, or am I just bicurious with no guts?

Usually when people have these sort of dilemmas, I tell them not to worry and to do what feels natural. There’s no point focusing on a label, when it could just be part of your sexual journey and growth.

I’m in no rush to jump into bed with a girl just yet, as I still have an amazing sex life. So instead, I’ll continue to scroll past my Instagram crushes and leave heart eye emojis followed by double taps.