How To Handle New Relationships
It had never really occurred to me how major the step between liking somebody and taking that leap from ‘friendship’ to relationship really is. I actually feel like I have stepped into a VIP area of coupledom that I had not previously understood, even though I have previously been in a relationship. There is something about this particular time where it just feels different. That might be due to the fact of how serious I am about this particular individual and that there does not seem to be that niggling doubt balanceng within me that I had previously experienced. Don’t get me wrong there has still been fear and apprehension about what I am choosing to get myself into but it’s not a feeling of doom.
My first rule of thumb about embarking on something serious with somebody is if you feel that intuitive clench in your stomach of doom, get the heck out of there! It really isn’t worth it! I think what has motivated me to write this post is the fact that in my own small experience of relationships and my research , I have not really come across a conversation that aids in this first initial (and might I add scary) step in a relationship. Where is the pep talk? Nobody really prepares you for the level of bravery that is required in opening your heart and filtering your trust into a whole other person. That level of vulnerability can be a scary place, as I myself am beginning to find out.
New relationships can be fragile, you don’t want to rush a blossoming bond between you with clumsy decisions that can end up sabotaging your new flame, burning it out quicker than a sparked match.
When embarking seriously in a new relationship you can find yourself asking questions like:
“How do I know he/she is the one for me?
“Are we really compatible?”
Will he/she still like me once they get to know my flaws?”
These questions are all natural part of the process, and in truth is not something you will know until you take that leap of faith, so here is a few points to consider when exploring your new relationship.
Have Confidence
One thing I am personally learning, slowly but surely, is to be confident in my new relationship. In general I can be quite shy, but I have realised because of how comfortable I am around him and how secure and safe he makes me feel, I am less inclined to be bashful about revealing each part of me bit by bit. It is actually quite liberating to feel open enough to be yourself with you partner, and supporting each other to this comfort level is key to maintaining that happiness.
Practice Pace & Patience
My next most important lesson I am discovering is practicing pace. Sometimes when you find yourself excited about the prospect of your new love and the potential life you are building together, you may find yourself rushing into this new romance expecting to know and learn everything this new love has to offer within the first few days. This is unrealistic and can also lead to a sense of disappointment and dimming of the flame brewing between you, simply because you are now forcing the natural pace of getting to know each other. Your bond should be able to grow at a natural pace, and it is ok to take time in that process. in fact it is healthy!Love consists of growth, and knowing each other is a process!
Don’t be too clingy
Allowing space within a relationship is intrinsic to making it work. You do not want to overwhelm one another with each others presence to the point you find each other exhausting! Remember you are still individuals, just within a growing partnership. It is healthy to express yourselves individually and exert some indepence seperate from your partner, hang out with friends, go and do a hobby that you enjoy etc. You end up appreciating each other more when you dont feel like your partner is clinging on to your every move and waking moment. Lack of space can be quite suffocating and damaging to the development of your relationship. Feeling attachement and a growing deepness in your bond is natural and a great feeling, but try not to be consumed by your new love only.
Don’t let the focus be sex
Ok, so this part can be very difficult to achieve (trust me, I know!), especially when the chemisty is running high and you both just cant seem to keep your hands off of one another (as well as the sex just being fantastic!). Sometimes you can end up being consumed by the needs of your sex drive, and this can lead to the neglect of other areas in your relationship that you need to be developing. In everything you need balance, and your relationship is no exception. Try to balance the great sex with great conversation, dates, chilling and general spending time getting to know and grow with your partner.
