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i’m in a (sort of) lesbian relationship with a girl who is otherwise quite homophobic. we spend a lot of time together and the sex is good and i enjoy her company but she insists she’s not queer at all, and we have to keep what we do a secret and i’ve heard her use homophobic slurs when referring to other queer people, and i usually just shrug it off as internalised homophobia but i think i’ve reached my limit. i really like her but i don’t like all the secrecy and confusion and i’m not really sure what to do.
3. May 2015
Coming out is so difficult for some & also a journey. It’s like she’s going through different stages before she realises what her true sexuality is.
It’s hard, I understand that .. but if she isn’t ready to admit that shes either gay/bi then she isn’t ready.
The best thing you can do is leave that situation before your feelings get even deeper.
My friend has been sleeping with a guy in a relationship for months now. I’ve tried to get her to stop so many times but each time she went back to him and they continue sleeping together. Now his gf has found out, I’m not sympathetic towards my friend and frankly she deserves whatever she gets. should I encourage her to reach out to the girlfriend?
3. May 2015
No, stay out of it, you did the right thing by advising her to stop in the beginning. She made her bed, let her sleep however she likes in it.
I have a really good friend who I used to sleep with in the past. Like we were really close with or without the sex. At the time, he had an on/off gf but to me, made me believe it was off. Anyway they got back together, I found out and out of respect for the two of them stopped the extra stuff in our relationship and kept it strictly friendship!! His gf found out we slept with each other and told him to stay away from me. I was unaware of this. She then dumped him, when I asked why he told me it’s due to our friendship despite it being completely platonic at this point. Feeling like the cause, I removed myself from the situation and stopped talking to him for over a year. Recently we have come back into contact (I’m not sure if she knows even though I told him to tell her) he’s saying they want to split and not happy but ice made it clear I will not carry on our friendship without her knowing or being okay with it. However, something really bad happened in his life where no matter what she thinks, he needs as much ppl around him as possible. I’ve decided that because of it, I don’t care what she thinks anymore. I want to be his friend, and only that!! Am I wrong?
3. May 2015
Regardless of how sweet their home is, if the girlfriend does not like you, she does not like you. Yes something bad happened to him, but it still isn’t your job to be there for him. I’m sure he has other friends, plus that his girls job.
Leave the situation alone, you did a year without being in contact. You can both clearly cope without each other.
I feel as though my friends judge me because I enjoy casual flings instead of a relationship. Instead of trying to see my point of view of things, they put it down to me having “lack of self respect”. I’m happy not being in a relationship and I don’t want to be in one for some time. I guess my question is; how can I get my friends to accept my way of life, when it comes to the topic of sex and relationships?
3. May 2015
You don’t need them to accept it. If you’re comfortable with it, their approval should not matter.
As long as your healthy & safe eff them!
Hey Oloni, I’m in a serious dilemma. I don’t usually do this but I thought I’d give it a shot. (Disclaimer its a long one) – so I’ve been seeing this guy on and off since the end of 2012. In the beginning we were kind of friends with benefits but the reason why I say kind of was because I can’t say I have seen the “friend” part. As in we didn’t do anything normal friends do we just enjoyed the “benefits”. We would go from hotel to hotel and I would always pay everytime. I think we have been to over 15 times. After some time I got fed up and demanded he payed. He paid for two and I was back to paying. So myself and this guy would argue quite a lot and make up quite a lot then we would go back to the hotel lifestyle again. We stopped talking for a month due to our differences and rekindled by him apologising. We had another hotel rendezvous and he decided he wanted to take our “friendship” to another level. so we started going out in public to different things doing different things. A thing tht bugged me was that the bill would come and I would offer to go Dutch just to be polite and he would accept. Oloni, the bill was £25. Why are we going halves?!! Also the fact that I drive everywhere and drop him home. One time we went out to eat and I offered to pay for the meal just being polite and he accepted! Like wtf. I only offer to be polite! Anyhow I discovered I had deep feelings for this guy and told him I loved him. He didn’t really respond back lol. But recently he’s been very possessive of me saying he has me on lock and how I’m not allowed to see any other guy! But he doesn’t claim me exclusively. I met his close friends recently but now he’s saying he wants to be friends because he thinks we’re better off that way. I feel so heart broken about this I’ve invested money and effort into this dude and I don’t know what to do now, help! X
3. May 2015
There’s only one thing you can do MOVE ON. He has toyed with your emotions, I get that, but you’re still in control of your money & time, don’t waste that any longer and look for someone who’ll be more of a gentleman that you desire.
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