10 Things Men Do or Say That Women Don’t Understand

I think men are probably amongst the most enigmatic creatures to the majority of women. Our minds are constantly run with questions like: ‘What is he thinking?’, ‘Does he really mean what he just said?’, ‘Is he serious?’, ‘Where is he?’…. Constant questions that mostly go unanswered. Even when we make an attempt to unpick his brain, we’re often not satisfied enough with what he’s given you. I’ve compiled a list of a few things I definitely don’t understand about men and my solution to the ongoing problem.

1. ‘I can’t tonight babe, I’m playing Fifa’
In our heads this is criminal behaviour. The idea that anything so trivial could be more important than spending time with us? Nuh huh, no sir, something is wrong. Obviously he doesn’t like us enough, or we’re not interesting enough, or we’re not fun. Because if he really liked you, he would want to see you all the time, right? WRONG! One unfortunate curse, most men skipped in production was the art of over thinking. In their heads: ‘If you’re my girl you’re my girl, you’re not going anywhere, but if I miss this fifa session tonight, I’m gonna be behind and my friends aren’t gonna let me live it down for a week.’ They do want to see you, just not tonight.

2. ‘You’re the only girl I’m speaking to.’
We tend to believe that people mean what they say, and why wouldn’t we? Don’t be fooled. The problem with women is that we ask questions we definitely don’t want to know the answers to. Men, being fully aware of this, are only ever going to give us the answers we want, just to save hassle. This doesn’t go for all men, but men it’s true for don’t often feel the need to say it and women who trust men don’t often feel the need to ask about it.

3. The male needs to fix things.
It doesn’t matter that it’s only a Primark jewellery box, if he broke it he needs to fix it. He knows you could call a plumber to fix the toilet, but if he can try his hand at it why would you do that?

4. When he stares into space and looks like he’s thinking about nothing…
STOP trying to pick at his brain, he’s probably actually thinking about nothing! You can ask what’s on his mind all you want, it’s not going to change. Worst case scenario, you’ll get so frustrated with his lack of answer, that he’ll feel the need to make something up just to satisfy your mind. Like: ‘ah this guy at work…. (meanwhile there is no guy at work)..’

5. BUT, when you are pissed off, why won’t you talk to me about it?
I can tell you’re annoyed, I don’t know what it’s with or why, but you won’t speak to me about it. Men are emotionally repressed and no amount of forehead kisses and molly coddling is going to change that, just except that he just needs some him time to shake this mood off and he probably doesn’t want to talk about it. Unlike women, men don’t always need to talk things out!

6. How can you sleep with your back to me?
We love a good snuggle, if we are gonna share a bed of course we’re there to cuddle otherwise what’s the point? As exciting and homely this is for us, our hair stuck to his chest and our leg wrapped half way around his hips is, not always the most comfortable sleeping position. Plus when girls sleep next to guys, very often we wake up every half an hour just to make sure they’re still there. Men can actually just sleep comfortably knowing that they’re in your house and even if you wanted to go somewhere you couldn’t.

7. ‘I can’t give you what you need.’
The commitment phobe’s favourite line. This way they can get out of taking responsibility for your feelings and still make you feel like they’re putting you first.

8. I’m standing here with a new hair cut, freshly shaven legs and a corset I have been struggling to breath in for at least an hour. Why have you been talking about work since you got in the door?
It may be impossible to believe, but sometimes there have to be naked boobs in eye shot before a guy notices anything. It’s annoying because we spend so much time trying to look good and so much money on the nicest lingerie, just for it to be strewn across the floor and our hair and make up to be some what dishevelled before he realises you’re actually attempting something sensual here. After a long day, men just have a lot on their minds, As women we also forget, or don’t believe that actually once they’ve decided we’re the one for them, once they’ve shown any sign of commitment it doesn’t matter what you wear or how your hair is cut, unless you get a boob job, or age 10 years over night, they probably won’t notice.

9. ‘I don’t usually do this’
He does it all the time! It’s a game!

10. Why do they leave when we’re arguing and when I tell you to go away?
Obviously I didn’t mean it, come back. Why won’t you fight for me to forgive you? Why do you admit defeat so quickly? Mostly it’s pride and a touch of ‘I really can’t be bothered to argue you with you because you’ve taken this from a dramatic stage to broadway musical’.