Shocking Abusive Relationship Stories
Melissa Heartbridge, 33, tells Simply Oloni her experience of being in an abusive marriage
I just kept running, and it was only after I stopped running that I realized that I’d forgotten my shoes. It didn’t matter at the time, all I could think of was; I had to get out. I called a close friend, told him to come and get me, but then I had to tell him where I was and I fell apart. I couldn’t remember where I was.
This wasn’t the first time, but I was hoping it would be the last time. I couldn’t remember what triggered Peter this time, but when have I ever known what could set him off?
Walking on eggshells, at home, trying to make sure everything was perfect; surely being the perfect wife would make him love me?
What was wrong with me? Why couldn’t I make him happy?
“One night, after I came in late from work, he had his hands around my neck saying that marrying me was the biggest mistake of his life, and that I have cursed him, that I ruined his chance at real happiness.”
I try to remember the first time he hit me, and it was an argument about what I wore. He was always possessive, but I just thought it was his way of showing me how much he loved me and cared for me, but I was wrong. With each passing days, he became cruel and often verbally abusive towards me. If I wore something that accentuated my shape, he would shout at me and tell me to take it off, then when I wouldn’t, he would try to take it off himself.
One night, after I came in late from work, he had his hands around my neck saying that marrying me was the biggest mistake of his life, and that I have cursed him, that I ruined his chance at real happiness. He would punch and slap me, while reminding me that I was lucky to have a man like him.
One night, when I tried to rekindle our love, he got a towel, soaked it then proceeded to beat me with it. He said that I should never touch him again, and that night he decided to sleep with a knife under his pillow, ‘just incase you try anything in the night.’
In my desire and hopes of being a great wife, I would do my best to keep the house clean, make dinner after work, and support him as much as I could, but inside I was dying. I was unable to function properly at work, at church I had to hide my true feelings. I remember when a friend went to hug me, and I flinched, she saw a huge bruise on my arm and asked what happened, my response, oh I had an accident at home.
Lying became easy to me, I hid what was happening as much as I could. He became increasingly paranoid, didn’t believe I was really at work so he would turn up to my workplace, which caused problems with my managers.
I stayed out at much as I could, often made excuses to stay at my parents house, or take extra hours at work. I prayed, and prayed for God to make me a better wife, to make my husband love me.
It took me ages to realise that it wasn’t me, it was him.
Hannah Ogundayo, 21, talks us through how her relationship went from emotional abuse to physical
I spent a very long year in an abusive relationship. The guy, was someone I had known 4 years prior to being with him, and throughout the time I had never experienced aggressive or controlling behaviour from him.
When we finally got together, he was not in a good place in life and his insecurities and what I now see was jealousy was starting to cause problems in our relationship a few months in. He did not like that he was not able to ‘provide’ for me the way that he wanted, and that I was financially and emotionally independent, he mentioned on many occasions that he did not feel like the man of the relationship as I would pick up bills on dates when he could not, and also borrow him money when he needed it.
“I slowly changed the way I dressed, stopped dying my hair and always kept my eyes down when we were out together.”
His insecurities became controlling. Very slowly he developed issues with the way I would style my hair, or the fact that I liked wearing lipstick as he thought I was seeking the attention of other males. When we were out together he always thought I was looking at other people, and because I knew of his insecurities I made excuses for those behaviours and to reassure him, I slowly changed the way I dressed, stopped dying my hair and always kept my eyes down when we were out together. I did this as I thought it would make him happy, and would help him become more confident in himself. I was wrong.
By me doing these things, I believe it made him see that he could control me more. Me wearing shorts and vests around the house turned into an accusation of having an incestuous relationship with my brother. He would always ask about people I had been with before, and as I had nothing to hide I would be honest in my answers. He would call me a slag for being with other people and would then ask me to compare him to guys before him. I was uncomfortable with this and started becoming secretive about my past. Him checking up on my social media websites made me feel as if I had to be careful even though I was faithful and loyal in the relationship. It came to a point where, my happiness was dependent on his. If his mood suddenly changed, my would too and I would be extremely paranoid about what future accusations or arguments he will have waiting for me next.
On new years day, things took a turn for the worse. Becoming secretive about my past relationships, he found out that I had been seeing someone when I was younger. Nothing had happened between us, but as I had omitted this information from him, he became angry and asked me what else I was hiding. He threatened to break my nose, but as he had never been violent with me I didn’t take him seriously. In the middle of the argument, out of nowhere he hit me twice and in shock I turned to walk away. He ran after me and grabbed me by my hair. I held onto a railing as he continued dragging “lets move from the cameras”. Luckily I was able to fight him off me and get home safe as we were out in public.
I don’t know why, but for some reason, I took him back after this and the relationship went on the same for many more months. After kicking a hole in my wall, pushing me into my house shouting “Get in your house or I’ll fuck you up” I had to call it quits. Friends ask me why did I stay, and honestly I have no clue. Being in an abusive relationship isolated me from friends and family and he was the only person I felt I had, even though he was the cause for such unhappiness. A year on I am still trying to forgive myself for staying in that relationship.
I read somewhere once that an abusive relationship is like a frog in boiling water. The frogs body adapts to the temperature, so the frog does not know until it is boiled. If anyone is reading this and in an abusive relationship, I urge you to get help and do not suffer alone.
Pankaj
Everyone deserves to be happy. Please never compromise with your self respect in any kind of relation and please love yourself more than anybody else.