8 Things You Should Know Before Having A Threesome
Inviting someone else into the bedroom or joining a couple in their bedroom is always fun and exciting and dangerous but like all dangerous things there are rules to this.
1. Boundaries- If you are a couple thinking of inviting someone else into your bedroom then have a very honest conversation. What can you do and what can’t you do? Is oral okay? Are kisses okay? Is anal on the menu? Is actual penetrative sex allowed? Who brings this third person in and how do they leave? My advice on this is if it’s a girl then she should only communicate with the female partner, only the female partner should have her number, or know her full name and same with guys, this eliminates any unacceptable contact. This also goes for same sex relationships; only one of you should really have any contact with this new person joining your bed. If you are a single person thinking to join a couple or other single people in bed then be aware of your own personal boundaries. What are you okay with and what are you not okay with? If it’s planned then make sure you share your boundaries before getting into the situation so nobody ever feels taken advantage of. Another thing with boundaries is asking yourself if this is a one off experience or if you plan to repeat it regularly, either way, try not to do it on the bed you share as a couple, and be prepared for a shift in your relationship.
2. Trust- It should really go without saying that if you are a couple then there should be trust between you. Threesomes should be something you’re both very interested in. Even if it is to fulfill your man’s porn fantasies, there’s nothing worse than a threesome where one half of the couple really looks disgusted or uninterested it dampens the mood considerably. So talk to each other, get to know what it is you both want from it and once you’ve expressed your boundaries and limits then the trust should build naturally. Jealousy is one of the biggest problems couples have during a threesome, where one half of the couple feels like they’re being left out and their partner is more interested in this new bed mate. Jealousy makes an already semi uncomfortable situation really horrible, you are going to have to trust that this is just sex for your partner and not an audition for your replacement. If this is a fear of yours then your relationship isn’t ready for a threesome.
3. Cleanliness- This is a really obvious one but sometimes people forget. if its planned then obviously take a shower, if however it is from a club straight into bed and the situation is fragile and could break apart any minute then maybe don’t do it so you don’t wake up the next day disgusted at yourself or just wipe down ladies and gents, yes men too, wipe your penis because you all want that ‘looking down at two girls sucking my dick’ view but if said dick is sweaty and nasty, that won’t be happening.
4. Condoms- This is almost the most important rule, if he’s fucking you and his girlfriend, then he needs to wear a condom with you. Simply because moving a penis from one vagina to another is incredibly unhygienic and one or both of you are likely to have BV or a thrush in a few days. This is because our vaginas are unique to us and therefore have bacteria unique to us, once you mix one woman’s bacteria with another, things can go very wrong. Also, if he’s going between holes use condoms, this is just a general sex tip, and you’re not a pornstar, don’t mix juices between your vagina and ass, and invest in lube and good condoms. Condoms are for sex; use them, even if the threesome is with two different guys.
5. Inclusivity- Threesomes are tricky to maneuver, and sometimes people get carried away and leave one person out, if you are a couple then don’t forget this person you’ve invited into your bed, make them feel comfortable, kisses and touching and great foreplay are important. Foreplay is important because it also sets the right mood and gets the juices flowing, literally. Also if you’ve been invited into a couples bed and you like one of them more than the other, try not to make this other person feel left out, this causes unnecessary friction and makes things very uncomfortable. Pace yourselves, take your time to get into it all, get to know what works for the other people you are in bed with.
6. Privacy/Safety- One key advice someone once gave me about casual sex and extra-curricular sex in general is to always put some distance between your normal life and the other stuff. No matter what it is you’re into, swinging, threesomes, casual gang bangs, whatever extra-curricular activities you enjoy, always make sure you protect your normal life and the people that matter to you. Never let the two interchange, if that means you only meet people in hotels (this is also great for safety), or you part ways straight after the sex, or you give fake names/email address, protect yourself. It’s always great to send your location to a friend just to be safe. It’s also obviously better to stay away from friends, employers/employees/
7. Safe word- Safe words aren’t only for bdsmsex and weird porn, its always great to have a way of stopping things in bed without fighting and screaming. A popular one is the traffic lights system where orange/amber could mean slow down and red means stop. Or just pick a fruit or vegetable and say that when things get too much for you, my favourite is ‘Cactus’. It’s really important as a single woman exploring your sexuality that you know when to say ‘NO’ and ‘STOP’ or simply ‘slow down’, which is why knowing what your personal boundaries are is good. But even without a safe word, pay attention to those you’re in bed with, if they seem to not be into it anymore, then stop. And as a couple, be aware of one another and figure out your safe word before the threesome.
8. Attachment- It’s really annoying when the night after you’ve been with a couple, one partner calls you or texts you and you know you need to block both their numbers and ignore, for your sanity, and because that sort of drama is really disruptive. Also try not to get attached too, keep it casual and impersonal. Which is why it is better to sleep with strangers rather than your friends and no worries there are quite a few places to meet strangers who are up for a romp. Swingers clubs are a great way, contrary to popular belief swinging is very much a part of the sex scene in England, its not just some American thing. There are some popular swingers/sex sites like fabswingers.com and sdc.com, but there’s also the more dangerous but exotic craigslist.com. The good thing about the swinger’s sites is that they offer forums for all sorts of discussions, and also offer recommendations and ratings for clubs and for the people on the site. Age is also a massive factor in this, its fun to sleep with people your age of course, but if you are joining a couple, an older more experienced couple is always good for the first time, they’re probably quite used to the situation and therefore will make things smoother. Explore your options, work on your rules and watch your emotions.
Contrary to popular belief threesomes aren’t supposed to be some elusive thing you do as a gift for your man on his birthday, exploring your sexuality as a single person or as a couple is fun, just do it safely, and be as well informed as possible. And as I mentioned earlier, be aware that things between you as a couple will change and one of you might really enjoy themselves while the other hated it all, or you might both love it anddiscuss everything so nobody ever feels left out or ignored. Also you can get lost in it, don’t worry about that, sharing a bed with two other people is actually a lot more confusing than porn makes out so it is okay to not know what to do at times. Watch some porn together as a couple and decide what you would and would not do and what positions can be done. And lastly, remember that none of you are pornstars so nothing is going to go perfectly and that is okay.
By Blessing Ojimadu
