Why Your Consent To Sex Is Very Important
I feel as a forum for young women, the issue of rape and consent is one we cannot ignore and it should always be discussed, tirelessly and continuously.
A proposal to the topic of ‘consent’ to schools has been offered to the educational board. Because as a study for Amnesty found 37% of people think its the woman’s fault if she does not make her lack of consent obvious.
I feel like its crazy how many of us are unsure of what consent actually means in a sexual context. I know I myself have let many things happen to me because I was confused about how to deal with it exactly.
A study of girls between 13 and 17 by the NSPCC in 2009 found that one in 16 girls over 13 have been raped at some point or the other. Thinking of how many young females there are in England, thats an alarming number of women. Is it that all these men set out to rape their female counterpart or are the wires crossed somewhere?
I believe we as women have a responsibility to play in the sexual assault game, not in the popularly argued issues of clothing or alcohol consumption but rather in the area of consent.
Where even though you feel uncomfortable because he’s going too fast or he’s doing more than you want, you can’t really bring yourself to tell him ‘No’. A friend of mine tweeted something about the many ways and times girls escape sexual assault on a daily basis and how sometimes it is better to just ‘let it happen’ but is it really?
You allowing the sexual contact when you’re not particularly ready is not helping him, he’ll assume that’s the way every woman is and he will take your complacency as consent.
I know I myself have been in more than one situation where I should probably have stopped the situation but how do you say no? Because there are situations where things go too fast and suddenly you’re both naked and he’s got a condom and a hard-on and you’re there rethinking the whole thing. But you feel like its too late to stop things so you allow him to do his own thing. Or the ex boyfriend who’s sleeping over and things get out of hand and you want to stop but how do you go about it?
These are major issues of consent, it doesn’t matter who started it, or where it started or what that other person may think or not think of you, always make sure you’re completely complacent to the situation and if in doubt make yourself clear.
Its crazy how many women I know who can argue for the world but in bed they go mute, its almost as if we are afraid to share our feelings, our desires and our consent. It is the reason why most of us don’t achieve orgasm from sex with a partner for a large part of our youth but it is also the reason why a lot of us end up sleeping with somebody we regret sleeping with or we did not want to sleep with.
I promised myself at some point in the last year that I would not allow myself to be touched in any sexual way without my explicit consent. Because people always assume that the only sexual contact that requires consent is actual penetration, but no, its that random guy that squeezes your bum in a club, or the one who rubs himself on you on a bus or a train. Its that guy that forces a dance off you in a rave even when you’re not really into it.
Your consent is extremely important, and if you’re not happy, you need to make sure he’s aware that you want out. Never be too afraid to push your way out of a situation.
There’s an article out there that I read for my lecture that discusses how porn has scarred the minds of teenage boys and completely deluded them from the way real women behave and the ways to approach a woman.
The majority of young men in juvenile detention for sexual offending are mostly there because they did not understand the consent issue, it was misconstrued in some way, if in the porn mag or movie they are watching, the man breaks into the house and the woman jumps into his arms and is instantly wet and willing, when they approach a woman, a part of them expects you to do the same.
No matter what state of undress you are in or what is happening between you and said partner, be it your boyfriend or the new guy, never be afraid of letting them know you do not consent. Far too many of us are walking around with mental scars of some sexual contact gone wrong. Saying NO is not a crime, it does not make you silly, or afraid or incomplete or young, or any other derogatory term.
