Dick Is In Abundance

*Pause*

Just take a moment to let it sink in…

I came across said quote once from a female tweeter, and as the words started to process in my mind it pretty much sparked a light bulb moment for me.  Like literally, an epiphany!  I don’t know whether it was just the mere mention of dick (ahem) prefixed so vulgarly and salaciously that just caught my eye … or if it was the diversity of how it can be interpreted when read in its entirety. Nevertheless, whether said quote is taken negatively due to its controversial undertones or simply considered as an unspoken observation, it is a viable discussion that needs to be considered.

I don’t know about you, but it really made me analyse my own thoughts on how men go about their sex. I mean, personally, I usually get caught up in women’s perspectives and issues when it comes to topics on sex and relationships, naturally being the owner of a vagina, it is pretty much my birthright to promote the trials and tribulations and absolute confusions inspired by my experiences as a woman, but sometimes it is worth considering the other side of the coin.

From a female perspective, and the frequency of approach that women face in their day-to-day lives, I kind of related this quote to the filtering process that men may tend to lack when trying to get to know a new woman. I saw it as an assessment of their self worth when it came to their sex.

Quite simply, why is a lack of value placed upon the behaviour of the penis? What of a man’s self worth? Much emphasis is placed upon women valuing their womb, and respecting themselves but I would argue that a similar level of worth should be considered for men. Why shouldn’t men quantify their level of self worth when relating to women sexually? Not just by number but who is worthy? Throughout the history of sex, women have had to bare the brunt of the double standards that relate to how often and to what levels we open our legs to, acts that seek to confine us within a Madonna/Whore complex, thrusting us in a position of sexual confusion, restriction and judgment, whilst men get revered with a festival of spuds, praise , banter and all manner of props for how many notches they secure on their bedposts in pursuit of batty and breast.

I was speaking to a male friend of mine one time where he reflected on a girl he was seeing before and how his sense of sexual worth has evolved and the conversation went something like this:

Male Friend: “There is this one girl that still hollas, and I have no intention of going back, because do you know why?”

Serena (Me): “Why don’t you want to go back?”

MF: “Because I realised I was just beating for lust, and just to say that I did it, not because I wanted to. Then, I realised why I don’t want to.”

S: “What did you come to realise?”

MF: “I realised she doesn’t even get the mentality of the sex. She just says ‘I just wana beat’..what? I don’t just wanna beat, there is more to me then that. You see what I am saying?”

S: ” Yeah I get you”

MF: “It’s the whole experience, it’s the whole dance, she just wants to buss a nut. It’s not good enough for me. It’s not just about bussing a nut. That is just the end process. It’s about the whole journey. But she will never get that, because she is not about that life.. of that mentality, and that’s why I’m like..nah fam. She don’t even deserve..”

S:  “So what about your mentality back when you were dealing with her? “

MF:  “I just wanted to beat..yea, I just wanted to beat”

At this point in my friends sexual life, he has acknowledged his need to filter the kind of sex that he experiences, the kind of women he wants to deal with and what impact that will have in his own sexual contentment beyond just ‘bussing a nut’, he had evolved to a level where he understands that his dick holds a sense of worth too.

A contrary example to this scenario came about when speaking to another male friend of mine. Who was telling me of an escapade where he wasn’t even feeling the girl at all, he in fact found her pretty unattractive for his taste, yet he still entertained her, somehow he still managed to extend that level of entertainment all the way to his very bed, where he attempted coitus with her, but in a funny turn of events he struggled to you know…stand to attention… literally because he began to realise that there is only so far you can ride the wave of p*ssy is p*ssy, when looking at an unattractive (to you) sexual partner. You know something isn’t right when your own dick is telling you  ‘ Nah, not tonight’.

All jokes aside, this is reflective of where he is at in relation to his sense of sexual worth. No judgment based on him getting his, but surely he should execute some kind of filter process, or have some level of standards? Personally speaking, such behaviour does pretty much influence my opinion of how you must value yourself as a man and your body if there doesn’t seem to be any control over your choices or have levels to your standards. I am sorry my friend but you lose sexy points. How you interact with the opposite sex definitely influences my attraction to you and whether or not I feel you are deserving of experiences with me.

In reflection, men are given props for devaluing their dick (multiple conquests and no regard to standards in many cases).  Even though, carnal instincts of men differ slightly in comparison to women, I feel this is a fallacy that needs to be further explored and challenged. Manhood is wrongly judged on this standard, rewarded by favorable ego strokes and not enough side eyes. Further more, I feel that if more men valued their dick and quality of sexual conquest, this may influence the value women place on their own worth.

By Serena Lawrence