#AskOloni The Baby Daddy

Your favourite sex and relationship agony aunt

Pride Magazine

Disclaimer: All dilemmas have been sent from real women and taken from www.simplyoloni.com/ask but answered in this feature in more detail.

The Non-romantic

My boyfriend and I have recently just become a couple, but he never takes me out on dates. Even on Valentine’s Day he didn’t want to do anything and never even got me roses or a card. I’m so used to being spoilt from past relationships and I know I shouldn’t settle for less, but this has been bothering me as I feel these aren’t things I should have to mention to him. What should I do? – Anonymous

Tell your partner how you’d like to be treated. Talk to him about it and see if you notice any changes. The longer you keep silent, the longer this will carry on. He might even make it up for past times by noticing that you enjoy romantic gestures when you’re in a relationship. You have to remember that although you may be used to being treated a certain way from previous relationships your boyfriend may not be used to giving that treatment. You shouldn’t settle, but you must also be very vocal about how it makes you feel when he doesn’t make an effort in that area of your relationship. Let him know the things you like also, from red roses, chocolates or planning a spontaneous date. By doing this you’re allowing him to know much more about yourself and what you expect from a relationship.

Prude or Not?

I’ve dated a few guys, and it seems to end for the same reasons, lack of intimacy. I always feel as if it’s too soon for me to just jump into bed with a guy I’m dating, so I don’t. However, they think I’m not interested because I haven’t slept with them. Am I just being prude? – Anonymous

You’re not being prude at all. You should sleep with someone who you feel comfortable with, when you’re ready. Some men will try and use sex as a way to tell if a woman likes them or not just to get what they want between the sheets.They’ll use it to guilt trip you, but you mustn’t become a victim of this trick. It may sound like such a cliché but the right guy will wait and understand. They will not use sex as a way to tell if you’re interested or not. So next time you feel like you’re in this position, tell yourself that there is nothing wrong with taking things slow. Talking, dating, understanding and enjoying the get-to-know-each-other-stage before you move to the next stage.

The Baby Daddy

My boyfriend of four years has a daughter who I have never seen. I feel like it’s time to meet her but he’s very secretive about his child. I’m not sure why and I don’t know what to do. – Anonymous

You have to communicate how odd you clearly find this. Some people want to make sure that person they bring around their child around  is there for the long run. But the truth is you’re not just a ‘person’, you’ve been in a commitment with your boyfriend for four years which is a very long time and should count for something. This would make anyone raise their eyebrow and make you wonder how seriously he takes the relationship. Discuss this in a way which shows how concerned you are about the matter.