#AskOloni My Boyfriend And My Natural Hair
Me, Him, Her and Her.
‘Hi Oloni, I’ve been in an on and off relationship with this guy for about 4 years now. We now have a baby together. However he has other children with other women. We try and stay away from each other but it just doesn’t work especially as he’s always over my house to see our child. I really love him and want our family to work. But there is so much chaos and drama between me and his other children’s mum, my friends etc. I feel like he’s resistant to being in a relationship with me because it’s not fair on the other mothers. Or he’s scared what people are going to think about us getting back together. Do I try and work things through with him to have our family or just leave him and the drama and just raise our son without being together?’
– Anonymous
If all of these factors that you mentioned aren’t allowing your relationship to work out perhaps you need to re-think this properly. If you face drama with the other mothers of his children, have been on and off with him for four years, it’s very hard for me to paint the happy ever after you want. I think you should stick the the important things such as co-parenting. He has shown that he has a way of being irresponsible so try to keep your mind on the importance of you raising your child.
The Bearer of Bad News
‘Hey Oloni, I have found out my dad is cheating on my mum. How should I approach the situation? Tell my mum or tell them together etc?‘
– Anonymous
I’m so sorry to hear this. You have to make sure you’re 100% positive he’s involved in infidelity. Sit your mother down and just tell her what you know, you’re her daughter/son and the last person who would want to deliver such news. Remember to be very supportive also, as this something nobody would want to hear. It’s also best you tell her on her own.
You Can Call It Herpes.. I Guess.
‘I was seeing/sleeping with this guy. Before we first had unprotected sex I told him I had a condition and described the workings/risks of it. I omitted the name of the condition (herpes) but ensured there was no ground left uncovered when I explained everything to him. At the time it seemed like a good idea until he called me a couple weeks back with what seems to be an ulcer type sore in his mouth. The rest of his symptoms aren’t synonymous with the STI so I have little reason to believe it’s that as we took precautions. However, he feels deceived and angry at me. What can I do/say to calm him down as I never intended to deceive him although now I understand that by omitting the name of my condition I impeded his ability to make a comprehensive risk assessment on whether to have sex with me. Briefly speaking, what do I do? Apologise etc or leave it be?’
– Anonymous
Once you start talking about sex it’s important be straight & let him know what the infection was instead of trying to look for ways around it or not being 100% honest. He has every right to be mad, but you have to wait for him to calm down and talk to him. Having herpes isn’t the end of the world, but you should have clarified the condition to allow him to decide what he wants properly.
My Boyfriend and My Natural Hair
‘Hello Oloni, I’ve got the worst dilemma, I recently transitioned my hair so I’m going natural. I used to watch all those YouTube girls with their loose curls and my bf used to comment how gorgeous they look and he support me 100%. However 3 months after my big chop my afro has emerged and it’s nothing like those YouTube girls. I’m ok with this but he is not at all. When I had a buzz cut he said I looked stunning but now it’s growing out he says I look like a ‘starving African child ‘(I’m skinny). It’s making me insecure and I’m tempted to relax my hair and install a weave until it grows more. Should I do so? Or should I go natural despite his dislike? Really need help with this I’d appreciate any reply.’
– Anonymous
His comments are very offensive and you need to pull him up on how to speak to you. I know several women who have gone through the big chop and found it hard to maintan so decided to just get a weave/wig whilst still keeping their hair natural. The decision is yours I know we always want our man to find us attractive, but wear your hair how YOU want. Wear what makes YOU feel confident and sexy.
Maybe The Grass Is Greener
‘I was on a double date with my friend and her man and ironically the chemistry between me and her man was stronger between me and him than with me and my boyfriend. This double date was supposed to spice things up but it just turned me off my partner. My friend told me her boyfriend enjoyed it and wants to do it again and I find myself more excited about the fact I get to see her man again. Do I talk to my friend? Or suppress the feeling and focus on my man (who I genuinely adore, things have just been stale lately cos he’s grieving over a relative)’
– Anonymous
You’re lusting over someone elses boyfriend. Cancel the date, it’s one thing to enjoy socialising with other couples it’s another when you’re counting down the days to see him especially when you have a partner. I don’t think it’s a good idea. If you and your boyfriend have you’re own issues solve them.
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Remi
Hey Oloni. I’m sure you get questions like this all the time, but I just had to ask. I’m 18 and my boyfriend is 24. I can not begin to explain how much I love him. I am 100% sure he feels the same way. At this point, the end goal for me is marriage. However, my friends think I’m mad for thinking this way and he obviously won’t marry me. Do you think I’m living on the clouds? Do you think I should end the relationship?