Why You Should Say No To A Consolation Ring
As if you haven’t already realised; it’s that time of the year again!
An abundance of enviably beautiful couples are getting hitched in dream locations and uploading their picturesque ceremonial photos #FortheGram for the whole world to see. Your friends are being proposed to, my friends are being proposed to and silently somewhere someone is on their knees praying to God seeking reassurance that surely their time is coming soon. Right…?
I’ll let you in on a little secret of mine. One of my absolute biggest fears has always been getting married to and/or having kids with the wrong person. The prospect that, in one way or another I’ll be connected to that person for the rest of my life gives me chills. What I have noticed however, not all think like this when it comes to getting into a committed relationship. It seems that as long as they can turn that “Single” to “In a Relationship” on Facebook or stunt on Instagram #CoupleGoals that that is the main thing. But the real question is, how honest are they being with themselves once they take off their rose tinted glasses?
I’ve always said that a wedding ring should not be a bargaining tool that a guy, who has given you many a year of heartache, “gifts” you to try to persuade you from doing a runner. So why do so many of us still plan on saying “I Do” to someone who we should really be saying “I Don’t” to? What exactly are we afraid of? Loneliness? Being addicted to Tinder? Being the single friend amidst a sea of couples again? Because surely resisting the old tale of settling within a doomed relationship is far better than embodying it?
I feel like some women believe by putting up with a lot of bullshi*t prior to being proposed to, that they’ve actually accomplished something pretty damn special. We’ll even fool ourselves into thinking that all the women we have had to fight to get him was finally worth it, because look, you won! You’re the Lebron James in this scenario – You got that title! Not Tammy-the-trifling-trick, not Steal-your-man-Sally.
YOU GOT THAT RING!
However, now presumably undefeated, you’ve reattached your hoop earrings to your earlobes, wiped the smudges of Vaseline off of your cheekbones, and taken a sigh of relief, you can’t help but wonder what have I won, exactly? And if it’s truly a “reward” why was it so hard to get?
Regardless of the lying, the abortions, the constant arguments and physiological and emotional abuse somewhere out there, there’s a woman looking past all of that and gleefully shouting “Yes!” to this guy just because he’s down on one knee. But please remember, if years of apologies can’t change a man, an expensive piece of jewelry is unlikely to either.
Yes, it’s true there are some couples who have survived the good, the bad and the downright ugly periods within their relationships. To say they’ve been through hell and back could be described as an understatement but they have and as a result have managed to come out stronger a coupling because of it. So taking their commitment to the next level make sense if that’s the brunt of it, right? After all, no relationship is perfect.
But the difference is, those bad periods were worked on, worked past and not remained in. Men shouldn’t be proposing in fear of losing their ride or die, they should be proposing because they want you to officially be theirs and no one elses! The problem is, the mentality some of us have is knowing a terrible relationship is about to come to an end, but ending up playing ourselves into believing we can salvage something that is beyond repair.
It’s so important to realise that saying “YES” means saying yes to not only him for the rest of your life, but all the baggage that comes along with him – it’s more than just a ring. We need to wise up and understand what we’re setting ourselves up for. My mum always taught me that a broken engagement is far better than a broken marriage and that someone who has shown signs of inconsistency with their love is not someone you should be willing to share a lifetime of companionship with. It’s vital we think about the relationships we’re in now, before we reach that stage and it becomes too late to turn back the clock. If you ever find yourself doubting what you deserve, just remember, you’re worth much more than just a consolation ring.
By Dami Olonisakin
Edited by April Alexander