SEXSEX & RELATIONSHIPS

Why I Decided To Stop Faking My Orgasms

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Women faking an orgasm has been a topic of discussion for a lot of us. If we’re not talking about it amongst friends, we’re googling ways to climax during sex so we can stop perfecting our porn imitations. In fact according to Durex two out of three women do not reach an orgasm… kind of makes you think, doesn’t it?..

I used to lie about coming during sex, I felt like I had to and if I didn’t, the guy I was intimate with would feel as though he wasn’t great in bed.

Him: ‘How was it?’
Me: ‘Omg it was great I came like, twice’

I was lying to protect his ego, his manhood and because I was told it was a man’s job to know how to please a woman. I didn’t need to tell him what areas of my body needed attention, because he was supposed to know automatically.

I remember watching an episode of ‘That 70’s Show’, when Donna and Eric, two 17-year-olds lost their virginity to one another. Donna reluctantly told her best friend Jackie how it was, and like most first sexual experiences, she explained how awkward she found it. Jackie, then convinced Donna that it was the man’s job to be good in bed and not her responsibility.

Doesn’t this all sound a bit familiar? You know.. Leaving your pleasure in the hands of someone else without communicating. Well, at least it does to me.

I was around 19 or 20 when I started to stop my theatrics in the bedroom. I realised then, that what was seen in pornos was not what real life sex looked like, so there was no need to try and imitate it. I also learnt that it was possible to have great sex even if it meant I didn’t come. Would I lie about it however? Here and there for a little.

As I’ve grown older, I’ve understood the importance of feeling comfortable with someone when lying naked together. You’re able to voice how you want to be pleasured in the bedroom and take control of your body and orgasm through your sexul partner. A man’s ego will never come before my orgasm, so if I don’t come you better bet your dollar that I’ll let you know. I refuse to continuously sleep with someone who’s ignorant to understanding the true meaning of foreplay or any of the basic things I enjoy between the sheets. Why should I miss out on the chance of a toe curling-mind-numbing-orgasm if I’ve chosen to have sex with you?

We are sexual beings and have every right to reach our climax too. Don’t let anyone cheat you out of getting your nut.

Every woman orgasms differently and the funny thing is, not every guy understands/knows this. It’s a popular question I ask on my Twitter feed, ‘Women, what sets you off completely? Vaginal, Clitoral or Both?’.

There are a lot of men, who have assumed that all women reach their height of sex through vaginal penetration alone. Wrong. They aren’t the only one’s either, some women are still struggling to get their big O, because they haven’t taken time to explore their body and understand what truly excites it. Then there are others who fake their orgasms, because they’re insecure about the time they’ve spent trying to get to the finish line.

Even though I had experienced orgasms on my own,before I lost my virginity, I felt like there was something wrong with me, because I was unable to do so with a partner. It took time, growth and practice to understand what my body enjoyed. I mean, after some time, I understood it, but I had to communicate.

Talking about sexuality and my experiences is something I’ll always enjoy doing, because I know some of my readers will be able to relate. That’s exactly why I created my event LAID BARE, aimed at women who are sex positive and also want to learn and share their thoughts and opinions. Our last show sold out and it’s happening again Friday, May 19th. Get your ticket HERE!

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Dami Olonisakin

Dami Olonisakin

Editor-In-Chief and Founder of Simply Oloni.

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