The Social Stigma Behind Black Women And Their Beauty

Guest writer Anthony Olanipekun speaks about some of the problems black women face…

How do I start to talk about the issues women face within today’s society without allowing my emotions to take over?

Let’s start by stating that I haven’t always been an advocate for the equality, respect and better treatment of women. I was in fact the guy I’m about to write about.

Although I grew up with a father who always taught me to respect women and speak delicately to them, I strayed from these ideals and took on the role of what I deemed to be a real man. To be a real man, was to be in charge and therefore women were subordinate and inferior to me. Along with these thoughts came behaviours and the use of language which would often degrade and disrespect women, this is synonymous to many young men I see in today’s society.

I admit that a change did not come overnight, it came with a growing understanding of the extent to which women are dehumanised and over sexualised both within the media and within wider society. Doing youth work and working alongside women and girls who had been sexually exploited or had their self esteem torn to shreds because of the actions of my fellow men, opened my eyes to some of the pressures and struggles women face every day.

Of recent, I’ve seen the way men disrespect women increase, but in particular, black women have become the biggest receivers of overt hate and abuse. Twitter is a place which has become more than a social media platform, it now gives a public voice to those who wish to share their disrespectful, misogynistic and somewhat animalistic views towards black women. Twitter is where the ”lightie vs darkie” debate is ongoing and there is a clear distaste for darker skin, which makes no sense to me.

My current concern is how we (black men) perceive black women, furthermore, how our portrayal of black women influences and affects the way other members of society see and treat ‘our women’. With constant jokes about black girls/women being angry, disloyal, attitude-having hoes, we create an environment whereby it’s ok to laugh and poke fun at women that we are supposed to love, cherish and respect.

What breaks my heart more is that while we destroy the confidence and self worth of our women, we sit back and allow others to capitalise from black culture, embracing Iggy Azaelia’s curves and Kylie Jenner’s new lips but breaking down the women who those things originate from naturally in the same breath. Seeing a positive image of a black woman get broken down and reconstructed to show her as the woman with no prospects or aspirations, triggered my need to speak up. For months I’ve been challenging my friends when they talk about ‘beating a ting’ highlighting the fact that women are not objects or ‘things’ to be owned nor mistreated whenever we please.

I’ve also realised that it’s not enough to stop using these words, it’s also important to challenge other men on the language and the mindset. What you allow only escalates and becomes the norm (refer to pyramid of hate). It should not be normal for black women to look into the mirror and feel inferior to men firstly, and white women secondly. I mention this because black women are often shut down when they complain and are almost stripped of the right to feel, with responses to complaints such as ‘all women suffer though’ we ignore the fact that not only do black women receive constitutional hate from society, they also receive hate from their own men who should be building them up to be the strong queens they are.

I finally get what my dad was trying to teach me and it hurts to know that I may be one of few men who want to understand these issues and help break them down. I know there are others who want to see an end to the mistreatment of women, not only black women, but all women. I just ask that you speak up because this current climate needs to change.

By @TonySupreme_