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Should You Feel Guilty About Being Attracted To Someone Else When You Are In A Relationship?

So, you’ve met someone. You don’t know what it is about the person that caused him to slip into your line of view but there are two things you are certain of 1) there is an attraction and 2) you are in a committed relationship.

But should that mean you must ignore the fact that you find someone other than your partner attractive?
The short answer is no of course as we are all aware that a relationship doesn’t impair your vision.
Romantic feelings can, however, cause moments of temporary blind spots due to rose-tinted lenses shielding your eyes during those high surges of emotions. Especially during the early stages of your relationship. Your partner could be the only person your eyes are fixated on for a while until the newness of it all begins to fade.

Maybe that is what has happened now. It could be completely out of character for you to even feel attracted to someone else while you are in a relationship. Normally, your infatuation or love for your partner is all consuming disabling even a slither of room for someone else to capture your attention. It could have you questioning your loyalty and even wondering if you are doing anything wrong by feeling the way you feel.

There are so many different opinions and rules that are placed on how monogamous relationships should be and what is deemed acceptable. (SUGGESTED READ: 6 Things We Can All Learn From A Three-Way Relationship.) But how can other people dictate what is the best thing for you? The boundaries set in a relationship can only be devised by the individuals that are in it. So, should you feel guilty? Well, that all depends on whether you have done something that you should feel guilty about.

Thoughts remain just that until you allow it to manifest into action. You could be having fantasies about this person while engaging in sexual intercourse with your partner or he could be making a guest appearance in your wet dreams. Yes, these thoughts might be a cause for concern, but is it really a big deal if you have no intention of pursuing these thoughts or it only happened once?

Overanalysing this could cause you to start acting awkward around the person you find attractive when you are around him or you could even start distancing yourself from your partner. If you are honest with yourself about the way you truly feel you can get to the root of what you really want. I have conjured a list of questions that you might find useful:

1. Do you secretly like the attention the person might be giving you?
2. Are you flirting or causing your attraction to take on more than it is?
3. Do you enjoy what you are doing even though you are fully aware that it is wrong?
4. Are you trying to resist the temptation of a crush or are you just admiring the person from afar?
5. Do you have thoughts of things you want to do to the person that you feel are beyond your control and yet you continue to allow yourself to be around them?
6. Does the person even know that you are in a relationship? If not, why do you think you are hesitant to mention it?
7. Maybe they are a friend or a co-worker a person you can’t escape. How are your actions now displaying respect for your relationship?

The general rule in many relationship discussions on this subject is usually if you cannot do it in front of your partner then you shouldn’t be doing it at all. (SUGGESTED READ: The Pros And Cons Of Confessing That You Cheated On Him.) You might possibly have the type of relationship where you can both offer compliments about people’s appearances openly or you could feel like exploring it with your partner and you are cautious of the response. This post on threesomes might be something you should read. However, if you suspect that there is a mutual attraction between you and this person the smartest thing to do is to keep your distance. If the person continues to pursue you despite being aware that you are in a relationship you have to ask yourself if that is the kind of person you would want. Someone who disregards how you feel and puts their own selfish desires first.

Remember how you get this person could be the way you lose them and if you want them to continue pursuing you maybe you should consider simply leaving your partner. (SUGGESTED READ: 5 Questions You Should Ask Yourself If You Are Considering Leaving Him.) But do you really want to explore what is on the other side of your batch of grass when you are unsure of the state it will be in the long term? It is all about preventing being in a situation where anyone gets hurt. You will know deep down if your attraction to this person is something more. If you are in a happy relationship you probably have nothing to worry about, if you are going through some problems and you find yourself leaning towards this person for more than just advice, the conversation has cracked into a deeper layer and you are allowing your emotions to get involved it is important to deliberate your next move. Everything must have a limit. Are you sure you know yours?

Have you ever found yourself in this situation, if so, what did you do? Share your thoughts and advice by leaving a comment below or by tweeting us over at @SimplyOloni.

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Paige Vahla

Paige Vahla

Simply Oloni's Sex & Relationships Editor. I'm either writing or thinking about what to write next.

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