Popping The Question

After a number of dates and 5 hour conversations, it’s clear the feelings are mutual. Your intentions are clear and so are his.
Wrapped up in the emotional and mental connection are the physical ones. Dates are getting a little heated as the kisses turn into wandering hands and you’re ready to take the relationship to the next level, but how much do you need to know about this person before you decide to share a bed with them?

After a quick catch up with an old colleague turned friend, she informed me of the break down of her most recent relationship. After two months of seeing each other, the conversations went from ‘what’s your favourite food?’ to ‘what’s your favourite position?’

Knowing they were on the same page and heading in the same direction, she popped the question – ‘When was the last time you went to the clinic?’.

The response was one she had not bargained for. He became extremely defensive and expressed how offended he found the question. Needless to say, the relationship never really progressed from that point forward. I commended her bravery for asking such a bold and risky question, and wondered how many women actually do?

When it comes to practising safe sex how many women are bold enough to pop the question?

Unfortunately, some women tend to find it easier to ask the question after the deed is done. Maybe because they feel they are more in their right to, but you are equally in your right to know the status of your partner before you are intimate. Statistics state that 1 in 2 sexually active young people will get an STD by the age of 25, not all of which show visible symptoms. That’s why taking his word for it is not enough.

I do not believe it should be a task to get your partner to go for a check up as his health should be just as important to him as yours is to you. Nevertheless, here are a few tips on how to make that daunting conversation a little easier.


– Be confident and be yourself! Never feel ashamed or embarrassed about putting your health and safety first. Express your concern for not only your own safety and peace of mind, but his also. Let him know what is on your mind, but hear him out as well. Open and honest is always the way to go. If you lose him over a conversation like this, then you probably haven’t lost a thing.

Two To Tango

– Why not suggest getting tested together? It could be daunting going alone, whilst getting tested together may have a positive effect on your relationship and the trust level. Suggesting going together removes the ‘blame’ or condescending tone that could be miscommunicated in a conversation like this.

Be Wise

– When popping the question, avoid doing so while you are in bed with your partner. It wouldn’t be wise to have this conversation when you are aroused as you may find that your partner tells you exactly what you want to hear so that you can both move on to other activities. Choosing the right setting is also important. Besides, nothing quite kills a mood like discussing the STD’s.


– Why not discuss preferred methods of contraception. Some choose to stick to condoms but they are not 100% effective in protecting you from all STD’s. Furthermore, should you decide to increase the intimacy levels over time, STD testing needs to be discussed. Easing your way on to the topic via other subjects may make the discussion a little easier to digest.

This conversation does not need to delve into the amount of sexual partners you have had or things that have taken place in your past. This is more about your future and the possible future you could have with this new person in your life. Keep it forward thinking and positive. What is an uncomfortable 20 minute conversation in light of a lifetime of good, guilt free, safe sex? (Well we can’t promise you the good part).​

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Claire Mariam

Claire Mariam

I'm Claire Mariam, the Sex & Relationships Editor for
I also twerk and eat jollof - not usually at the same time though. Helpless romantic with a huge heart and forehead.

1 Comment

  1. JHutchnz
    December 11, 2014 at 3:59 pm — Reply

    Great piece! So true, especially when you said some feel they have the right to AFTER the deed is done as to before.
    Women and Men SHOULD be commended and it should be encouraged to do so!

    Continue speaking about taboo subjects. THIS can definitely get the mind thinking and create new norms.

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