How To Tell Your Friend You Don’t Want To Listen To Her Relationship Issues Any More
Is it ever okay to tell your friend you don’t want to hear about their relationship problems any more? She might not even be in a relationship with the guy, but you’re still tired of hearing his name, the way he’s disrespected your girl and the continuous BS, he’s put her through.
This is the 427452378 time she’s complained about him. She’s leaving, she’s blocked his number, she’s gone back and now she’s unblocked his number. He’s cheated, he’s lied. He refuses to change and quite simply he’s just a shitty boyfriend. But your issue isn’t with him as his behaviour no longer surprises you. It’s your friend who refuses to wake up and smell the roses you have an issue with. I mean don’t get me wrong, you wish her man of 6 on and off years would treat your friend better, but that isn’t in your power. So when and how do you tell your friend that you no longer wish to listen to her drama with him?
To get this stage, you as a person know you’ve reached your boiling point and you have no more advice to offer. How many times, can one really say, ‘leave him’, ‘you can do better’ or ‘is the sex THAT good?’. (I’ve come to believe that sex is a huge reason why so many people do not leave sour relationships) – Either way you’re fed up, and at the same time afraid of hurting your friends feelings. Friends are supposed to ‘listen’. Be there etc etc.. well apparently. Not me though. Even as someone who gives advice daily, even I get tired of saying the same thing and repeating myself to friends and I’ll never feel a type of way for simply saying ‘Don’t be offended, but I really don’t want to hear about any of the problems you and Jhamal are going through’.
When I was much younger I was on the other end of things. I too was the girl who kept going back to a guy I convinced myself I was ‘dating’. Then each time I got hurt I ran back to my same friend who told me that I wasn’t allowed to mention his name. I was cut off. Cut from expressing and ranting about each thing he did.
I look back and I’m happy she did that. For some reason I believe the less I was allowed to talk about the toxic situationship, the more I’d have to wake up and deal with the issue on my own and wise up. I think it becomes unfair to continuously share all your boyfriends mishaps with your friend. It’s overwhelming and can be selfish and damaging. Even though they don’t want to hear about you and ‘I-promise-I’ll-change-Tommy’ they genuinely want the best for you and not this person, that can’t keep her ex’s name out of her mouth. It’s kind of like that episode in Sex And The City, where Carrie couldn’t stop talking about Big after they had broken up. She’d spoil the atmosphere, by conveniently fitting his name into every topic and they didn’t want to deal with it anymore and demanded she see a shrink.
Now I’m not a shrink, but part of job is to listen and give advice when your friends don’t want to! Book a session here.
For those who are being drained out by their friends, here are 3 signs to tell whether or not you need to have a few words with your pal about listening to their unhealthy relationship.
Ask yourself if this has started to affect YOU.
If her problems with the same guy become repetitive.
You’ve seen him disrespect her countless times.
How would you tell your friend you don’t want to listen to their boy troubles anymore? Tweet me over @Oloni