#AskOloni The Long Distance Relationship
Your favourite sex and relationship agony aunt
Disclaimer: All dilemmas have been sent from real people and taken from www.simplyoloni.com/ask but answered in this feature in more detail.
The Long Distance Relationship
Hi, I have been with my partner for 6 years. It’s a long distance relationship of sorts. I live in London and he lives in Leeds but we have always managed to make it work. Sometimes he confides in me about how lonely he can get as we only get to see each other once a month fit a couple of days. I made a comment that if he needed he could sleep with other women. I said I didn’t want to know if he did. Recently he told me that he kissed another woman. Do I have the right to be upset? Because at this present moment I feel nothing but indifference toward him. -Anonymous
It’s great that you’re both open and honest with each other. Regardless of what you gave him permission to do, you can’t help how you feel and this is what you need to voice out to him. You have to be upfront and let him know that although you said you’d be okay with it, it still made you feel a type of way. My guess is he didn’t want to keep it from you even though you said you didn’t want to know. Once you’ve had a chat, see how you can move forward and what you both can do to make your long distance relationship stronger.
Hi! So I’ve recently started liking a guy only to find out that he’s back together with his ex. I don’t want to stop being friends with him, but at the same time I hate knowing that I like someone who’s in a relationship. Do I continue the friendship at the risk of liking him even more? -Anonymous
This isn’t a good idea. If you have feelings for someone who’s committed to another person, do yourself a favour and keep your distance. You’re only torturing yourself by remaining in this position and it certainly won’t help you move past your feelings. Perhaps you can be friends in the future, but just not right now. At this present time, you have emotions that can make this the furthest thing from a genuine friendship.
I know you’re supposed to make relationships work by compromising but what if your girlfriend is unhygienic? My girlfriend gives me dirty cutleries to use and glasses to drink from when I visit. It may sound silly but if you’re planning on marrying someone and they do these things now, won’t they continue throughout the marriage? I’m not the cleanest guy, but I don’t want to be with someone that doesn’t care about hygiene or someone that will probably feel “forced” to be clean. She’s 21 and I’m 25. We’ve been together for a year and I think I want to end it. -Anonymous
It’s a touchy subject, I don’t think anyone wants to be told that they need to improve their hygiene, but you have to speak to your girlfriend and let her know how you feel about some of the things which have bothered you. You’ve been together for a year so as a couple you should both be comfortable enough to have a proper discussion about this. Maybe this is something she hasn’t noticed, perhaps she thinks there’s nothing wrong with the forks and knives she’s given to you in the past. At least give it a go before terminating the whole relationship.