Ask me sex and relationship questions here anonymously. Please make questions as *brief* as possible to make sure you get a response. Please be aware that some dilemmas may be posted on social media platforms and cannot be removed on there or Ask Oloni once submitted. Not all questions sent can be answered due to the high amount received daily. For a QUICK response book aprivate callhere
Hey Oloni my fiancé and I have been together for two years but he has a 4 year old child with his ex girl. The first year we dated his son had a birthday party, I really wanted to attend but he explained his sons mother wasn’t cool with it. I understood and you can say I “stayed in my lane”. A few weeks ago they planned their child’s 4th birthday party and he explained there was no way I could not be able to attend, but on the day she let him know that I was not invited. I stayed home even though he apologised a million times. I have no ill feelings towards the mother of his child or their kid. What do I do? I’m supposed to marry him in December.
16. August 2015
He’s in the wrong for allowing her to continuously treat you this way. If there isn’t a problem between the two of you, his his job is to step up to the plate and makes sure he fight your corner. You’re not a random lady, you’re about to become a part of his family, so she needs to start treating you like so. Talk to him about it and let him know, what you will not stand for. You shouldn’t be excluded from family events especially as important as his child’s.
Hello Oloni, your blog is really cool, amazing and informative. When I was a child, I was raped on many occasions by one of my parents’ really good friends and I’m from a Nigerian community where adults are respected so much and emotional relationships with parents are kind of difficult to make so for a long time I wasn’t able to be open about it but when I did I was told to just try and forget about it and even though I tried to go to the police about it and get him arrested for it, it was too emotional for me to talk about it so the man is still around at social events and whenever I see him I’m told to just pretend like everything is okay since it happened a long time ago. The traumatic experience happened over a decade ago but it still destroys me up to today and I’m now in my late teens and I don’t want to say that it defined me as a person or that I’m now depressed and can’t control my emotions or it has affected every decision I’ve made since then because I’ve been told by Nigerians that I’m not and its just a “white girl phase” but right now I don’t know what to do because I find it difficult to be happy anymore and try to blame it on that. I just don’t know what to do because I have no one to speak to about it. What should I do?
16. August 2015
I’m so sorry to here about this experience. Sadly many young women have been in this traumatic position causing it to seriously harm them emotionally in the future. I would seriously advise that you see someone who specialises in dealing with sexual abuse, such as a therapist or a councillor. You need help and it’s important you get it. It’s important that when YOU’RE ready you have this reported again. He could still be sexually abusing several women and he shouldn’t get away scot free.
Coming from a Nigerian background I can say I understand how you feel in terms of adults always being respected. But this doesn’t mean you should have to suffer for his wrong doings, respect is earned not demanded. You have been disrespected and been told to shun your feelings, over something incredibly serious and harmful.
I really do hope you get all the help you can! Feel free to email me itsoloni@gmail.com
Hi Oloni, this not a question just a response to the QOTD. I was in a similar situation nearly 7 years ago. I was stalked and threatened for many years. I still live in fear of seeing him in certain areas. She has to go the police or it may not stop for a VERY long time. I didn’t because I felt I left it too long since the incident but after threatening him with a restraining order last year I’ve not heard from him. Please tell the police
16. August 2015
Thanks for sharing!
Hey oloni I messaged you about the guy who went soft during sex. Thank you so much I didn’t see thins from his side I have apologised to him about the way I reacted but he hasn’t responded. So maybe he was just after sex. Anyways thank you so much for your advice I love your blog xxxx
16. August 2015
No problem and thank you x
Hey sugar, just wondering your opinion, I was seeing a guy for a few months and he always appeared very cold and heartless, i stopped seeing him and i bumped into him on a night out and he had been drinking and told me he missed me and loved me and that we had chemistry and he notices everything and he was talking about times we had spent together. I never seen him since this night and we are no longer in contact as i blocked him. Just wondering if you think there was any truth in what he said or if it was the alcohol talking. Thank you x
16. August 2015
He was drunk, even if it was true, why are you pondering about intoxicated words? Move on x
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