Ask me sex and relationship questions here anonymously. Please make questions as brief as possible to make sure you get a response. Please be aware that some dilemmas may be posted on social media platforms and cannot be removed on there or Ask Oloni once submitted. Not all questions sent can be answered due to the high amount received daily. For a QUICK response book a private call here 

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Hi Oloni. I know you’re not a doctor, but can you please tell me if I have vaginismus. First of all, I am DEATHLY afraid of penetration. I only just started having sex about a month ago. Before that, all the times I’d tried were way too painful. Now I have done it twice with my current boyfriend (Im not always comfortable during but I assume that’s part of the early stages of it all). I tried to have sex again today but I was so scared and kept whimpering and my vagina is so sore. He tried to put the tip in and I felt so sore and begged him to stop. He got frustrated and I felt bad, then got mad and left. Do I have vaginismus? 29. January 2019

You could do. I would suggest seeing a doctor. I hope it does get sorted. Sorry you’re experiencing this.


Hi Oloni. First of all I have to say thank you for all the work you do in the sex positive sphere. I have learned so much from your blog & twitter & insta threads. I have plenty to say but it can all be summed up in the gratitude I feel & affirmation I get from ur blog. That said my only dilemma is when will the vesta return in the store?👀 Thanx in advance xx 17. January 2019

Thank you so much!! Will be back in time for Valentine’s Day

Hi Oloni, I have a dilemma. So I’m Nigerian and my boyfriend is Jamaican. We’ve been dating for a while now and we’re pretty serious. One day I must’ve been looking at traditional attire for weddings (I’m Yoruba btw), I showed my boyfriend and he responded with “we aren’t doing any of that shit” I was proper confused and hurt but kind of kept it to myself. Anyway, recently we’ve been talking about meeting parents, I asked him to dobale for my dad, not like fully go on the floor but a quick knee bop. He told me he wouldn’t do it, which I guess was fine but his best friend is Korean and whenever he sees his parents he bows for them. It seems minor but it really hurts me and I feel like down the line, we’ll keep fighting about cultural things. Should I ignore it or bring up my upset with him? Thank you xx 10. January 2019

He seems quite trashy and extremely disrespectful. I personally don’t know why you’d want to be this sort of person. We should really respect all cultures, but especially the cultures of people we’re in relationships with.

The fact he bows for his Korean mates family also shows how little he rates you and Nigerian culture.

Get rid of him and find yourself a Kunle.


Hi oloni, I went through my boyfriends (“intuition”) and I saw texts of him flirting with someone I had suspicions about. I don’t know how to confront him about it since I was wrong looking thorough his phone, but he was flirting with someone else and we’ve been together a year. 10. January 2019

If he’s flirting, then you have to let him know that you went through his intuition.

Loyalty is important in a relationship, so if he’s entertaining other women it shows just how unserious he is about your relationship.


Hey Oloni, my boyfriend is my best friend and we’ve been together for a few years (he’s the only guy i’ve been with and vice versa). Problem: i’ve faked my orgasm every single time and now (the sex is great). I don’t know what to do because i’ve been faking it for so long so if if i suddenly stop he’ll be like what have i done different. Help!! 10. January 2019

Women fake orgasms all the time. As I’m typing this, thousands of women all over the world are sadly faking one.

It happens. It’s extremely common, but now it’s time to stop and talk to him.

Many women do not reach a level of climax through penetration alone, so you have to think of other ways that might help you cum.

There’s a huge possibility that your body might enjoy clitoral stimulation, which will help you orgasm. Explain this to you boyfriend and remember this during sex as well as a good amount of foreplay(15-20 mins).

It’s also important to remember that for some women not having an orgasm doesn’t mean the sex was bad.. but let’s face it, we’d all like it.


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