Ask Oloni: “My Male Best Friend Is Mad At Me Because I Have A Boyfriend”
Your favourite sex and relationship agony aunt
All dilemmas have been sent from real people and taken from www.simplyoloni.com/ask but answered in this feature
My boyfriend has owed me £250 since July. I lent the money to him when he was in between jobs, he got one a couple of weeks later and never brought up repayment. So much times passed even I forget sometimes. I brought it up once and he said he could pay it all in a lump sum, I didn’t even ask him why, I suggested partial payments of £50 up until £250 and he refused saying that he wants to give it to me all at once. He’ll always say things like “I love how you Always have my back” so I feel guilty for even wanting it back, I sometimes feel like it is my role as his girlfriend. Recently I have really needed that money and I’m not sure how to ask or bring it up.
Do you have any tips about the whole situation and how I can get my money back please? – Anonymous
You have to talk to him about it and tell him straight. ‘I need my money back’. It’s annoying when you have to make money the topic of conversation between you and someone you care for, but it has to be done. You can’t continuously have his ‘back’ if he’s unable to stay true to his word.
Hi Oloni, I’m 22 years old and I’ve never had a boyfriend and I’ve only been 1 situationship. I want a GOOD friend with benefits because relationships these days are overrated. I haven’t had sex since February and I’m feeling more erotically charged since then. Any advice? – Anonymous
Sex is literally everywhere. Join a dating app, get to know someone and over time let them know what you’re interested in. Get tested too and please always use condoms and ask about their last sexual health check.
Hi Oloni, My boyfriend is an emotional abuser. I suffer with depression and after weeks of trying to hide it I finally told him. He pretended to care for approximately the work day then proceeded to tell me “you’re just in a mood” “I’ve tried to be sympathetic but you make it so hard”. He hadn’t had a job for some time (we’re talking years) and I was supporting him. Now he has a job and prospects in ‘the industry’ he keeps saying to me don’t leave cos another girl will be spoiled and have all you worked for. I am so unhappy but he made me loose my friends over the years.
I feel so alone. I want to be happy but I am so scared to leave, especially as he says he will stalk me and hurt any man he finds me with in the future. He jokes about killing me if I were to ever move on. I know the obvious answer is leave, its just so much harder in practise especially when I have nobody else.- Anonymous
I’m honestly so sorry to hear what you’re going through. What he’s making you experience is very sick and extremely unhealthy. I know it’s easier said than done, but being alone is far better than being with such a monster. The longer you spend in this relationship, the harder it will become to leave. Do you have any close family members that you could possibly talk to? I’d also advise seeing a therapist, someone more skilled than I am, especially as you’re going through depression.
My male friend that I’ve been close to for years has always expressed he’s attracted to me and gets jealous of other guys but he also does that to all of his other female friends.
Recently, I’ve just gotten into a relationship and said friend has asked to stay round mine, he’s asked before and I’ve always said no. I said I thought it was inappropriate and not how I wanted to start my new relationship. He had a go at me saying ‘I’ve forgotten my friends’ and changing my whole life for a guy I’ve just met.
He’s refusing to speak to me but the loss of a long friendship is making me sad. Am I in the wrong? – Anonymous
You’re not in the wrong, your male bestie is trash and needs to stay in his lane. It’s extremely inappropriate. The fact that he’s already said he likes you, is more of a reason as to why you desperately need to end your friendship with him.
It bothers me for you that he feels so entitled to spending the night, after your first response. He has to go. You don’t need friends like him around. A true friend would not only respect your decision, they’d be more understanding instead of trying to make you feel bad. It’s normal for friendships to change once someone enters a relationship.
How would you honestly feel if your boyfriend was in this position?