Ask Oloni: “My Boyfriend Keeps Rapping In My Ear During Sex”

Your favourite sex and relationship agony aunt

All dilemmas have been sent from real people and taken from but answered in this feature

I finally bit the bullet and slept with this guy I was talking to but whilst we doing the deed, he was calling me his ‘dirty bitch’. Not only that, he didn’t go down on me AND he was rapping his music in my ear. Prior to this horrible experience, I actually thought he was a decent guy and I enjoy talking to him. Is this something I can just address to him or should I just leave because of all these red flags? – Anonymous

Rapping his music to you? Has he lost the plot? Excuse me for laughing, but lol! I don’t think past sexual partners have told him that it’s a huge turn off. “Dirty bitch” I’ve heard of before, but rapping?? That’s a new one.

You need to tell him to cut it out, if you don’t like what he’s saying, literally say “Can you not do that and perhaps do this instead?” (let the “this” be, kissing your neck) – If he doesn’t listen, please don’t sleep with him again.



Hi Oloni, I cheated on my husband and now we’re divorced. I felt terrible and I know I shouldn’t have done it but I was a drunken mess and regret it. Ever since then he has hated me to my very core. Even at divorce proceedings he never wanted to be in the same room as me unless it was to sign documents. I feel a great hatred and disdain towards me when he looks at me. Almost like he’s plotting on me.
Ever since then he’s taken it out on our kids. He stopped coming to see them, and doesn’t want anything to do with them. He pays his child maintenance and that’s it. I know I messed up but my mistake shouldn’t have to affect our kids like this. I’ve tried everything and have even begged just for him to take them out just at least once but he’s not interested. He doesn’t respond to texts or calls from me so I don’t know what to do. Any advice? – Anonymous

Heya it sounds like he’s clearly dealing with some misplaced anger and starting to resent the family you both created. Your ex is struggling to cope with the divorce and the infidelity, however it’s not an excuse, not even close to one. I think you should find a way to send him a message about what you’ve noticed as this could really begin to affect your children and ultimately, they come first.

He may not feel it now, but he’ll regret not being there properly, especially if this is due to what happened between the two of you.

Visiting his kids shouldn’t be seen as a chore and hopefully he’ll realise this. I think you just have to be patient, this isn’t something you can force on him.

Hey Oloni. I may have given someone an STI and I really don’t know what to do about it. I can’t tell him myself because it will seriously ruin my reputation. I’ve ordered treatment online so I should be good but the guilt in me about this guy is consuming me. I was sleeping with him and another girl at the same time so I’m not actually sure of the origin of the STI but what is the worse that can happen if I just don’t say anything? – Anonymously

You need to take action immediately, it’s common knowledge that STI’s can be passed when you have unprotected sex. It’d be selfish and sexually irresponsible if you don’t let both people know. What you can do is give both their numbers to a sexual health nurse, who can send a message anonymously on your behalf.

In fututre when you want to have casual sex, be sure to update your sexual health check ups every 3 months and ask all your partners about their last visit.


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Dami Olonisakin

Dami Olonisakin

Editor-In-Chief and Founder of Simply Oloni.

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