Ask Oloni: ‘My Black Girlfriend Keeps Calling White Men Trash’

Your favourite sex and relationship agony aunt

All dilemmas have been sent from real people and taken from but answered in this feature

Hey Oloni, I’m a female with flat nipples and I think it’s ruining my sex life. Ever since my breasts formed during puberty my nipples have never been able to erect like most women’s. They don’t pop out and are inverted. This has always made me super insecure during sexual activities, I’m always unwilling to take off my bra or even have my breasts touched or played with. My current sexual partner feels like this restricts us in the bedroom and I feel like he is getting turned off or bored with just half of my sexual organs. I want to feel comfortable to explore things with him but I don’t know how I can overcome what has now become a fear for me. Any tips please? – Anonymous 

Hey hun! Thanks for writing in.. inverted nipples are more common than you think. You just need to try and feel comfortable with whoever you’re having sex with, that’s key. As a woman it’s natural for you to have your insecurities.. we all do. But I find that if you don’t make a big deal out of them, your partner won’t either. Remember breasts come in all different sizes and shapes, so do not think of yourself as being different. Try getting lingerie with a see through bra. This should slowly help give you more confidence to go absolutely topless. 

Hi Oloni, I hope you’re well. I got engaged last month and I’m so excited about the new chapter, however I don’t like my engagement ring. I accepted the proposal but informed him two days later that I would prefer a round or pear cut diamond as opposed to the square one I got, he got upset and is trying to make me look ungrateful. I’m not asking for a bigger size or anything I just want a different shape because I quite frankly don’t want to wear this one as I really don’t like the look. What else can I do to help him understand it’s nothing personal I just want a different shape? Thanks – Anonymous

Congratulations on your engagement! Oooh engagement ring drama.. touchy one. I think he probably feels like you didn’t appreciate the effort he put into finding you a ring. And, in a sense, I completely understand.. okay, so he didn’t get the exact one you like. But shouldn’t the excitement and gesture of the proposal be the only thing on your mind? The ring was supposed to symbolise the next chapter in both of your lives and your hung up on a shape? Sisss come onnn.

I do think it’s good that you were honest, but you can’t complain for how he feels. It comes across as very materialistic, are you marrying him or the rock?

You have a wedding to plan, not an argument to start.

Hi Oloni, So I started watching this show ‘Dear White People’ and I feel like my relationship is exactly like the white guy and the mix race girl in it. I’m white and my girlfriend is mixedrace and ever since she got to uni she has become “pro-black” which is good, I guess, but I feel like she constantly belittles me (not directly) by saying white men are trash or calling white men the devil. She wasn’t like this before, but I just feel so uneasy that she can chant all this hate about white people and then come back to tell me she loves me ect. I’m not one of those all lives matter people or anything but it just makes me feel extremely uncomfortable. She constantly tweets things like “we need to protect the black family” but comes back to me. I still love her but I dunno if I just chat to her about it or just leave. Any advice? – Anonymous

Oh wow! Your girlfriend should know that being pro black does not mean anti white. Calling white men trash even though she’s in a interracial relationship just comes across as performative.. it doesn’t make any sense. She can still be woke and date someone out of her race. I would suggest you have a conversation with your girlfriend and explain how uncomfortable it makes you feel.

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Dami Olonisakin

Dami Olonisakin

Editor-In-Chief and Founder of Simply Oloni.

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