7 Ways To Handle Your Relationship Blips
The fair majority of us are aware that romance doesn’t come without it’s fair share of disputes and fall outs. If you’re in a relationship, these small bickers can feel like world wars when it does to settling differences between people who seem to have ideals that are worlds apart at times. I’m sure we would all take the opportunity to crawl into our partners head and read their (what I’m sure are) carefully mapped out thoughts one by one. But we can’t, so the only thing we can do is take the next best option; talking. The problem with the way we argue with our loved ones nowadays is that a lot of us have lost the importance of being happy over the satisfaction of being right.
We let how we feel take over the idea that we’re screaming and throwing items of clothing at someone we love because they are human. That’s not to say we don’t have a right to be mad, but there are ways to go about it, that might mean you’re not breaking up every week.
1.Take a breather
When people we love do things that hurt us, it’s so easy to get lost in our emotions that we don’t stop to separate the event with how we feel about it. To prevent this, take some time out. Give each other some space; give each other time to rationalise your thought process and work out how best to tackle the situation.
2.Write it out
When we’re angry or upset our thought process tends to be scattered and difficult to process. So before you begin to address the situation, write it out. This is the best way to make sure that when you approach it, you say everything you want to say with reasonable manner. It also means you can filter out the bullshit and work out what is / isn’t important to say. A lot of the things you say off the cuff, will come from bitterness and make the situation worse.
3.Hold the tears.
Especially if you’re talking to a boy! Very often when you started stuttering through hyperventilated breaths and hysterical tears your partner just switches off. It’s kind of like the boy who cried wolf. As women we expect them to be sympathetic, but wailing is just not the way to gain their empathy. Your partner is more likely to respect what you’re saying if it sounds like it’s coming from a rational position. Plus when you’re blubbering you say a lot of ridiculous things that not even you believe, and once you’ve said it, it’s hard to back track without losing the substance of every point you’ve made.
4.Say ‘I’ not ‘You’
Something very small that can make a lot of difference. When you are trying to explain that someone has upset you, using phrases like: “You have”, “You didn’t”, “You said” is some what accusatory. Immediately it puts their defence guards up and they’re unlikely to back down and understand your point. Instead flip the sentence on its head and explain that it’s more about how you feel and not what they’ve done. E.g. Instead of “You have broken my trust” you would say: “I feel like my trust has been broken.” This way you ensure that they don’t feel like you’re attacking them or their character and they are more likely to want to find a solution to the problem.
5.Apologise when you are wrong.
It takes two to tango! If something has ended in an argument it isn’t just one persons problem. The biggest cause of ongoing rows is that when one person apologises, the other person just gets smug and resolves themselves of any involvement. If it seems your partner is beginning to understand what they’ve done wrong, be sure to apologise for any involvement you had in irrational behaviour! It isn’t about your pride, it’s about making the person you are with feel like you regret any decision you ever made that had them feeling anything less than loved.
6.Stick to the topic!
There is nothing more damaging than bringing up a problem during an argument about something else! The argument loses all direction and it’s almost impossible to find a solution for 50 different things at once. SO SAVE IT! Fix the problem at hand without having to handle everything else you and your partner think is wrong with each other too.
7.Hold your tongue.
There is nothing worse in my eyes than swearing at your partner, you just don’t speak to people you’re supposed to respect like that. Once you have dropped and F bomb or too, it will set them off and it will just turn into a shouting match. Plus it’s very difficult to make someone forget if you name called them or not. There is nothing worse than using harsh words against someone who, really, you adore with every fibre of your being.
The problem is that no two people think the same way, no matter how similar you are. The way I see it, when you fight with someone, you have 2 options: Forgive them or don’t. If you know you can’t forgive them, don’t waste your time. Just say your piece and walk. An argument will only mean things end worse than they should. If you can forgive them, all you need to do, is make them able to understand what about what they have done or said has hurt you and make sure they don’t make the same mistake twice.
Remember we are human, we make mistakes, don’t let your friends influence your idea of how well you know your partner. Make decisions that are best for you and as long as it’s right, know that any issue can be resolved.