6 Things We Can All Learn From Three-Way Relationships
“A common misunderstanding is that the two women are solely in love with the man; a sister wives type of dynamic. However, for us, we are equally involved with each other and care for each other equally.”
Three may be deemed as a crowd in most relationships topics but to some, it is definitely the magic number. Three-way relationships introduce a lot of mixed views and opinions, it is definitely not something that entices everyone’s taste buds but at least it leaves a memorable aftertaste. As with most things, when it comes to relationships it’s about finding what flavour works for you.
It is heavily debated whether monogamous relationships between two people goes against human nature so could three-way relationships be one of the solutions or is it just plain greedy? In a time where attention spans are low and the pursuit of instant gratification is high maybe a relationship between two people is just not as satisfying anymore?
Whatever your opinion is about three-way relationships there might just be something you can learn from other people’s experiences being in one. We caught up with Juvi Gardner, Tanika McCarty-Fields and Riviera Beauchamp who have all been in a three-way relationship for several months which lead to us gaining an insight into the dynamics of their relationship and picking up a few helpful relationship pointers:
There are people in the world who will love you the way you want to be loved:
You are not obligated to stay in a situation that no longer satisfies you in fear you will never find someone else or settle because you feel that your standards are too high. People love and show love differently. It doesn’t matter what you like, don’t like or what your deepest sexual desires are there are people who you will be compatible with. I asked the lovers where did they meet and was told, “We met at an event through mutual friends and connected via social media,” showing a relationship can spark up with anyone, anywhere at any time
If all parties are willing to make it work it will work:
No matter how it may seem to outsiders looking in as long as the relationship works for everyone that is actually in the relationship then that is the most important thing. Just as I was told by the trio, “A common misunderstanding is that the two women are solely in love with the man; a sister wives type of dynamic. However, for us, we are equally involved with each other and care for each other equally.”
A relationship cannot thrive without trust, communication and respect:
Speak up or suffer in silence. It’s as simple as that. Passive aggressiveness and resentment towards your partner/s can quickly become a poisonous growth that can cause a dent in your foundation of trust. They say don’t make a decision when you are mad – but also don’t allow your reasons for being upset distort your view of the situation and allow it to get blown out of proportion when you finally do decide to address it. Respect and communication should be at the centre of any kind of relationship. I asked the ‘throuple’ how they went about dealing with friction in a relationship that involved three people, “For us it comes down to looking out for your other partners and treating them how you want to be treated.”
Challenges = growing pains in a relationship:
Pain. You have to go with it and grow with it. You cannot give up simply because things get tough – arguments happen, especially in a relationship with more than two people, “Yes, there are challenges that come along with being in a three-way relationship.” they confirmed but revealing that the biggest challenges they faced came from outside influences, “What we have had to overcome in our relationship is the judgment and scrutiny we continuously receive from family and friends. Naturally strangers will speculate and gossip however it’s when the people we love don’t understand our choices that make it that much more difficult.”
Jealousy should be addressed:
I then had to ask about how they dealt with jealousy in a three-way relationship. Did anyone ever feel left out or like they were just an extra in the relationship at times? What if one person felt like they weren’t getting the same amount of attention as the other person? Didn’t three ever feel like a crowd? “Avoiding jealousy is a common challenge faced in any relationship,” they said, “We feel as though jealousy fades away with time and with the building of trust; that is what any relationship should be striving for.”
People will always have an opinion so do what makes you happy:
The last but definitely the most important pointer: just do what the fuck makes you happy. Your happiness comes first whether people approve of your relationship or not is not really relevant because they are not in it. Juvi, Tanika and Riveria had experienced disapproval explaining their relationship to others, “Some people respond in a positive way although the majority of people feel entitled to let us know how we should or shouldn’t live our lives. Others tend to think they know what’s best for us and since this type of relationship is so far from the norm they tend to believe it to be the wrong choice.”
When I asked them what advice they would give to other people who are exploring the idea of being in a three-way relationship they simply answered in unison, “Every relationship is different – who are we to give advice?” – emphasising my point once more: if it’s not your relationship, it’s not your business.
Would you ever be in a three-way relationship? Tweet us over at @SimplyOloni